PTSD-induced depression -- or just another political posture?

[Capsoda]

I never think about suicide myself but there are a couple of folks I would like to help whit their suicide.

My idiot eliminator is kept in the drawer too but it is handy.

[Officer of Engineers]

Two points in my life when I could not handle it.

At the funeral of my corporal, his daughter asked me why daddy is not coming home no more.

20 years later, the young lady took me out to lunch and forgave me.

A grown man cried that day. We both did.

[tankie]

So what did you do to get through if I may ask?

I am having the veterans agency from Scotland (hollybush) visit me ,which deals and helps with the healing process, i tend to drink too much to forget ,like other people i have seen and been involved in things i would rather not have been , i used to hunt and fish a lot , spending a hell of a lot of time on my own in the countryside meditating , now after heart and other health problems which restricts mobility, i PC communicate which i find helps a lot ,i try to joke and and laugh ,i try to push it in the background , try not to be too serious , the world is full of shit goings on , wars and mayhem ,its depressing , the discussion with people in the same boat across the world helps a great deal , i have been suicidal , but have never tried anything as yet , its not fun feeling like this , but i take solace knowing im not the only one and there is help out there coupled with self help and determination to get through , and i will not let it beat me , no way Hose A . But at the mo , its winning , but as the regimental motto says ,

Thro the mud and blood to the green fields beyond .

Fear Naught .

[Capsoda]

I don't want to forget one single minute of it, not one. All the veterans from WW2 are getting very old and passing inn droves without notice.They fought for what ever side and saw horrendous wrongs. Now assholes are saying it never happened because those who were there are getting to old to fight. It is our turn to let everyone know why we did what we did. I wouldn't wish my experiences on anyone that is why I did it myself.

I find great relief in the fact that I did my duty, what ever it was when I was told to. I served with heroes who were much younger than me and had no idea why we were doing what we were doing. They did their job just as I did but many of them paid a much heavier price. Knowing that I did my duty is the biggest aid in my fight with depression and nightmares. I did what I was supposed to do and I am damn proud of it. I volunteered.

I stay focused on that and things I like to do and help me know I count, Jesus, wife, kids, grand kids and hobbies. Now I know all the poop about "Oh No Not Jesus Again" and no body will ever point at me and say "Now there goes a fine Christian man" but we are good buddies. You can talk with whatever deity you wish according to your beliefs but I'm betting on Jesus. Bitchin bout President Jonny Hollywood and his entourage of scum helps a great deal too. We did earn the right to bitch you know.
Now days when the ghosts come creeping in I just say hello boys, come on in and we will visit. As I said, they were heroes and deserving of visit now and again. The wife understands is in the one thing that helps the most because she patiently listens to the same old stories over and over and with a smile on her face too.

Be Proud, Be Open and Be strong.

[Blue]

Capsoda,

You're a WWII vet?

[Capsoda]

You're a WWII vet?

No, no. I used them as an example. Like Ike said, some day some SOB will claim it never happened.

I want to remember every minute of what I did and what I went through. I make sure people know what goes on out there.

[Prof]

You're a WWII vet?

Sniper:

My old man was. He was full of stories about his war, all funny. Didn't find out until after he died 7 years ago that he had gotten the silver & bronze stars & a heart. His way of handling it, I guess.

Prof

[Maxor]

This kinda of thing is what makes me glad I was an Air Force guy so far behind any sort of battle that we sent airplanes to take pictures for us. I don't have nightmares and for the most part I'm rather prooud of serving my country but sometimes I do wonder about the morality of what I was doing getting a whole bunch of iraqi guys pretty much like me other than browner and speaking arabic or aramic bombs dropped on their heads. Alot the same thing for the early stuff in afgahnistan where from what I understand which militia you were in just happened to be which ever you village was alligned with at about the time you were old enough to carry a gun. From the same standpoint though I really do think that sadaam needed to go. I just wish we had done it in the early 90's instead of in the early 2000's.

For the guys actually in close cmbat getting shot at I can really only imagine what that does to you. I just know it really wouldn't work well for me.

[Capsoda]

This kinda of thing is what makes me glad I was an Air Force guy so far behind any sort of battle that we sent airplanes to take pictures for us. I don't have nightmares and for the most part I'm rather prooud of serving my country but sometimes I do wonder about the morality of what I was doing getting a whole bunch of iraqi guys pretty much like me other than browner and speaking arabic or aramic bombs dropped on their heads. Alot the same thing for the early stuff in afgahnistan where from what I understand which militia you were in just happened to be which ever you village was alligned with at about the time you were old enough to carry a gun. From the same standpoint though I really do think that sadaam needed to go. I just wish we had done it in the early 90's instead of in the early 2000's.

For the guys actually in close cmbat getting shot at I can really only imagine what that does to you. I just know it really wouldn't work well for me.

I was in the Air Force. You can get into stuff in any branch if you try. I sure didn't have any trouble getting in to trouble.

[Maxor]

Capsoda the point being there is that in the AF and in most of the nave currently you have to try. Forward air controlers, and others who are AF and that close to things in 90+ % of the cases went above just volunteering for service but volunteered again for a role that put them into that position. Most of the army and marine guys not so much. When you join the military you are taking a chance of seeing combat but the risk you take is alot lower depending on what you are volunteering for.

[Capsoda]

Sniper:

My old man was. He was full of stories about his war, all funny. Didn't find out until after he died 7 years ago that he had gotten the silver & bronze stars & a heart. His way of handling it, I guess.

Prof

Thats what I was getting at Sniper. The old timers told stories about all the good times in the military. That is how they maintained. I didn't learn about what my dad went through until he had open heart at 80 years of age. all the drugs they had in him brought it all out. I called his best bud Ed Craven and ask him to tell me what they went through. Some bad doodoo.

[Capsoda]

Capsoda the point being there is that in the AF and in most of the nave currently you have to try. Forward air controlers, and others who are AF and that close to things in 90+ % of the cases went above just volunteering for service but volunteered again for a role that put them into that position. Most of the army and marine guys not so much. When you join the military you are taking a chance of seeing combat but the risk you take is alot lower depending on what you are volunteering for.

That is what I said. You can find where the enemy is if you try. I was a 462 and I got really tired of loading things and not seeing what they do. I volunteered for gunner duty on AC 130s. Got kind of beat up so I volunteered for FAC. Never got to act as a FAC though, instead I was more of a glorified radio operator. Carried a lot of electronics and got to go a lot of places with my Marines. I actually got to use some of those electronic gizmos a couple of times. More often than not I acted as another rifleman.

It was exciting and one big time adrenalin rush that I had been preparing for since I was a small boy. Always wanted it and i got it. I began to pay for it in 1985 when I was ask to go home because I was to beat up and had developed a bone disease from a wound.

I wouldn't trade it for anything but I guess I should have joined another branch like the Army or Marines. Then I wouldn't have had to volunteered.

[Gun Grape]

That is what I said. You can find where the enemy is if you try. I was a 462 and I got really tired of loading things and not seeing what they do. I volunteered for gunner duty on AC 130s. Got kind of beat up so I volunteered for FAC. Never got to act as a FAC though, instead I was more of a glorified radio operator. Carried a lot of electronics and got to go a lot of places with my Marines. I actually got to use some of those electronic gizmos a couple of times. More often than not I acted as another rifleman.

It was exciting and one big time adrenalin rush that I had been preparing for since I was a small boy. Always wanted it and i got it. I began to pay for it in 1985 when I was ask to go home because I was to beat up and had developed a bone disease from a wound.

I wouldn't trade it for anything but I guess I should have joined another branch like the Army or Marines. Then I wouldn't have had to volunteered.

What Marine unit did you work with?

[Capsoda]

What Marine unit did you work with?

Being in the Air Force I never got all the initials and numbers of the Marine Corp but it was as best I can remember;

Special Equipment Operator NCO, 3 Special Recon Team, 2 Platoon, Marine Special Operations Battalion.

The AF unit I was attached to was in the 15 SOS, 1 SOW, 1 SOG assigned to TDY to the Marines.

I can remember all the AF stuff but like I said I never really learned all the marine stuff but they called themselves Mad SOBs.

[Blue]

I volunteered for gunner duty on AC 130s.

Much respect and thanks to the Specter crews. Got some help from one in Panama, what a show that was! Possibly Papa 07???