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  • Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay

    Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay

    can't tell if trolling or parody. i had to check to see if this was an Onion piece.

    ====

    Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay

    Ann Coulter, Syndicated columnist 4:37 p.m. CDT June 25, 2014

    If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

    I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade — or about the length of the average soccer game — so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.

    • Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls — all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

    In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

    Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

    • Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

    • No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

    Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties — and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

    • The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

    Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

    • You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

    • I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

    I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.

    • It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

    • Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

    Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.

    Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

    • Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear — again about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."

    The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

    Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.

    Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.

    If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.
    There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "My ignorance is just as good as your knowledge."- Isaac Asimov

  • #2
    She continues to deprive a village somewhere of their idiot.
    “Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”
    Mark Twain

    Comment


    • #3
      American women are so decadent, they actually win tournaments

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Double Edge View Post
        American women are so decadent, they actually win tournaments
        When they don't face Canadians
        No such thing as a good tax - Churchill

        To make mistakes is human. To blame someone else for your mistake, is strategic.

        Comment


        • #5
          Coulter is the pioneer mistress in monetizing performance art trolling across all mediums.

          Comment


          • #6
            This piece is just begging for it.

            In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."
            heroes like GK's that keep goals out, players that score at the last minute or equalise soon after giving their team a boost to go on. Players like Messi, Cahill & Ronaldo whose teams do not get very far without them.

            losers who score own goals or miss penalties or get awarded red cards ie sent off for the ENTIRE duration of the game.

            self esteem gets bruised like any sport were you don't win.

            • Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.
            Not on a competitive level.

            No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.
            so far in this years's WC, 5/46 matches were 'scoreless' which is less than 10%, in the next round there are no ties, its extra time, penalties etc.

            • The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

            Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.
            Ask Suarez about personal disgrace. We see fewer fights because that is best way to get sent off.

            • You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!
            aka it ain't a sport if you don't use your hands. Can anyone tell me what is the source for this line ?

            The first and last time i ever heard it was in a move called 'coming to america'

            • I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.
            And in the same article we see

            The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

            Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.
            How to get bums on seats ? hook the women first, will inevitably draw the men into it.

            18.2 million is decent ratings. Maybe it is catching. If US gets into the quarter finals it will increase further.

            This will be the second time the US gets into the round of 16, since they hosted the world cup back in '94. I wonder what the viewer ratings were like during that period.

            • It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.
            What did the French ever do to african americans ? The english put up with a thousand years worth

            An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt.
            Only if he's a gorilla
            Last edited by Double Edge; 26 Jun 14,, 20:56.

            Comment


            • #7
              Coulter is the pioneer mistress in monetizing performance art trolling across all mediums.
              it must be diabolically fun to have a job where all you do is find creative ways to insult all your enemies and wait for the bucks to roll in.
              There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "My ignorance is just as good as your knowledge."- Isaac Asimov

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by astralis View Post

                If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.
                "Football".



                • Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls — all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.
                In football, there's over 200 passes per game per side easy. All of which can be messed up, intercepted, and giving the opposing side a chance to counter.

                In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."
                Complete lack of understanding of the game. As in American Hand Egg, we play with teams. In teams there's roles. If there's roles you can be held accountable for not fulfilling that role properly, as with any other team sport.

                Do they even have MVPs in soccer?
                In football, the value of a player can vary greatly on which system he has to play in. Also, it's impossible to compare a defender to a striker, making an MVP just arbitrary.

                Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in.
                Clearly you miss out on the the strategy and tactics that are required to get the ball to the other side of the pitch. Unlike in American Hand Egg, football does not have and endzone. We have goals. There's a lot smaller. Easier to defend. Meaning, you have to work a whole lot harder to actually get a ball in there. So when a ball actually goes in....

                That's when we're supposed to go wild.
                You got it!

                • Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.
                Rugby is co-ed up to the age of 12. Rugby. You know, that sport where they do pretty much all of the stuff they do in American Hand Egg, but WITHOUT THE ARMOUR AND PADDING AND HELMETS.

                • No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

                Even in football, by which I mean football,
                ... I think you mean hand egg...

                there are very few scoreless ties — and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.
                Yawn. Pick the ball up, throw it, catch it, dash for it, TOUCHDOWN!. Rinse and repeat. Apparently even with a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers trying to crush you, it's easier to score than in football.

                • The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

                Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.
                aaand this is the point where I cave to the relentless torrent of stupidity and give up. Good trolling, the sheer amount of it, and the quality of the stupidity. Also, metric fuckin rules.
                Attached Files
                "Football is war."

                -Rinus Michels

                Comment


                • #9
                  Why won't this person just go away? Please?
                  Supporting or defending Donald Trump is such an unforgivable moral failing that it calls every bit of your judgement and character into question. Nothing about you should be trusted if you can look at this man and find redeemable value

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Albany Rifles View Post
                    She continues to deprive a village somewhere of their idiot.
                    Ooh no. She is way more idiot than any one village could handle.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The existence of Ann Coulter is proof of the nation's moral decay.
                      sigpic

                      Win nervously lose tragically - Reds C C

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Learning how not to use your hands for everything is not necessarily a bad thing.......................or is this, too, unAmerican?
                        Attached Files
                        Last edited by Tamara; 27 Jun 14,, 01:39.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by astralis View Post
                          Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay

                          can't tell if trolling or parody. i had to check to see if this was an Onion piece.

                          ====
                          It's parody.

                          The immortal George Carlin once said that in order for a joke to work, one thing has to be exaggerated WAAAAAYYYYYY out of proportion. It would be so absurd that it's funny.

                          I thought the piece is hilarious.

                          Do you watch Tosh.o? He went on a 2.5 minute rant about how stupid soccer is. That was funny as hell.

                          Don't take everything so seriously.

                          "Only Nixon can go to China." -- Old Vulcan proverb.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Gun Grape View Post
                            Ooh no. She is way more idiot than any one village could handle.
                            And yet I'm pretty sure she lives under the Freemont Bridge in Seattle....

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Gun nut,

                              Ann Coulter wouldn't know satire if it hit her in the face.
                              “Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”
                              Mark Twain

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