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  • The True Origin of the Internet

    In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader called Abraham of Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

    And Dot of Com was a homely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com'.


    And she said unto Abraham, her husband, 'Why dost thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?'

    And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, 'How, dear?'



    And Dot replied, 'I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).'

    Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

    And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

    And Dot did say, 'Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.'

    And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, 'eBay', he said, 'We need a name that reflects what we are.'

    And Dot replied, 'Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.'

    'YAHOO!' said Abraham.

    And that is how it all began.

    Al Gore had absolutely nothing to do with it.
    Never hold your farts in, they run up your spine, and that's where shity ideas come from.
    vēnī, vīdī, velcro - I came, I saw I stuck around.

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    • Origin of the Internet

      Very good, 9.5 outa 10.:)) :))

      Someone has too much spare time on their hands perhaps. now back to work!

      Cheers.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by furkensturker View Post
        The True Origin of the Internet

        In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader called Abraham of Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

        And Dot of Com was a homely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com'.


        And she said unto Abraham, her husband, 'Why dost thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?'

        And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, 'How, dear?'



        And Dot replied, 'I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).'

        Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

        And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

        And Dot did say, 'Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.'

        And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, 'eBay', he said, 'We need a name that reflects what we are.'

        And Dot replied, 'Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.'

        'YAHOO!' said Abraham.

        And that is how it all began.

        Al Gore had absolutely nothing to do with it.
        Hilarious, 11 out 0f 10, I'm gonna print it off for friends

        Comment


        • Here's a few Iraq stories, courtesy of my dad that told them to me.

          First Tour, early 2003 during the actual war:

          My father's a civilian. He works for the Naval Aviation Depot on all military aircraft as a planner/estimator. His tour in Iraq was that the planes would go fly their sorties, come back, and he'd make sure the planes could fly the next day, if any damage was major or not, and if they couldn't fly he'd also figure out how to repair it. I forget the name of the camp he was at, but it was in Kuwait near the Iraqi border and Oliver North was at this particular camp reporting for Fox News.

          Since he's not military he didn't have rank, but they gave him a cammy suit of a Major as a sort of "equivalency rank" so everyone would know how to act toward him. However, the enlisted guys knew something was up with him cause he didn't have his name on his suit as all there did, and they largely avoided him cause they thought he was there to spy on them or something he later found out. :)) When Oliver North saw my dad, he stopped to talk and figure out what he was cause of the whole "no name on jacket" thing.

          He said there were a ton of atheists on the base (all Americans). And even a Wiccan chick that was working on the aircraft who he didn't care for. He was about to walk a mile or so to bed after working a long day when they heard the air raid siren. So he went to the bunker and waiting for it to stop. When the sirens finally ended and he started to walk back, he had one stop him and ask, "If your God's so great, why can't he provide you a ride?" At that second, a Lieutenant riding in a Jeep stopped and asked if he needed a ride back to the main base. He hopped on and the other guy had to walk.

          Second Tour, 2005-2006:

          He was at Al Assad and he was living in these cans. He was living right next to a lot of Iraqi native women. (Don't ask, he had no idea either.) Some could speak English somewhat.

          He was coming back from the showers one night and his neighboring lady surprised him from behind as he was in a towel. He told her to not scare him like that cause it could be a local sneaking up inside the base to attack him, and then asked what she needed.

          HER: "do you have a condom?"
          HIM: "...what!?!"
          HER: "do you have a condom?"
          HIM: "...what?!?" (he's a bit ludicrous that she's asking this)
          HER: "Condom." She then spelled it out: "C-A-N-D-L-E."
          HIM: "That's candle! And no you can't have a candle!"

          The next night a group of the women were nextdoor at the lady's place and he heard a large laugh from everyone that lasted a few minutes. She didn't look at him in the face for over a week.

          Here is one from when he was in Marine Corps boot camp in 1981:

          They just finished a big run, and everyone's huffing and puffing. The DI came up to him and said, "Do you believe running is important?" He answered the DI, "no". The DI gets mad and says, "Why not?" pretty much. My dad answers, "I don't plan on running from the enemy." Needless to say, the DI liked that answer, and then made him run the next time carrying the flag.
          Last edited by rj1; 05 Mar 08,, 20:53.

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          • Basic Training stories...

            Who has got a good one?

            One day after lunch chow our DS did a pop-quiz inspection of our bay. We're all toeing the line by our racks and we hear a "WHAT THE F--K?!?" from the cleaning supply closet by the latrine.

            A few moments later he walks back into the bay with an armful of "fatty cakes" (desserts from the DFAC, which we were forbidden from eating), still individually wrapped and on their plates.

            Someone from our platoon had been stealing them from the DFAC and stashing them in the mop room.

            Our DS is livid. He tears each fatty cake from its wrapping and flings it against the walls, ceiling, and smears some across the floor with his boot.

            The guilty party still wasn't stepping forward.

            He finds some laundry detergent and pours it out all over the floors and chucks the still-full bottle down the bay. It makes quite a mess.

            We're instructed to empty the entire contents of our wall-lockers onto the floor in front of our racks. By this time three other DS have come to watch the show, along with the company commander.

            Then we're told to get into full battle-rattle -- ACH, IBA, ruck, kneepads, the whole thing.

            This game is this: We have two minutes to bring a specified item down to the CTA (company training area -- where we begin and end each day) place it on the ground dress-right-dress and then bring it back upstairs only to repeat the process with the next item. If at any time it takes us longer than two minutes, we start over with the first item.

            After an hour or so we're about halfway through our inventory when we miss the two minute mark. We spend the entire afternoon running up and down (and falling) up and down the stairs with 80 lbs of gear on.

            The guilty party finally confesses. He's given an Article 15 and has to pull every other fireguard shift every night for two weeks. So his nightly rest consists of three 1-hour naps. After a week of this we took pity on him and agreed that whomever he pulled fireguard with would let him doze off.

            There are others, but that one sticks out. I'm sure there will be more as I have the privilege of restarting BCT next week.

            Anyone else got a good boot camp story?

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            • There was also the time me and another guy took a shower when we weren't supposed to... Nothing like a naked, wet smoking to build camaraderie!

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              • Ya I have one ............it hurt, it hurt a lot ..........but I would do it all again and again and again if I could .........
                sigpicFEAR NAUGHT

                Should raw analytical data ever be passed to policy makers?

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                • ´The Fire Drill´ in my training time looked somewhat different . After signal we had to evacuate everything from our company rooms (an entire floor) , except built-in wardrobes to drill field 200 metres away and set up the company rooms in exactly same placing as in our rooms . 2-story bed bunks and personal belongings , chairs and so on . The finding the exact locations for all of it took some time , but finally we managed it .
                  Then the sergeants told us to go to sleep . It was actually kinda fun , laying under beautiful September sky for couple hours . The the ´awake´ signal came and we got to carry it all back inside .

                  It was the traditional ´reaction´ in my Btl., when drill sergeants found that the young ones were not keeping their rooms clean enough . It ended with next group of trainees , who after ´Fire´ signal evacuated their stuff as in real fire and threw the beds through windows . :)
                  If i only was so smart yesterday as my wife is today

                  Minding your own biz is great virtue, but situation awareness saves lives - Dok

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by malory View Post
                    There was also the time me and another guy took a shower when we weren't supposed to... Nothing like a naked, wet smoking to build camaraderie!

                    We also had these types of showers.

                    Surprising isn't it, it did not excite?

                    We just showered and went our way! ;) :))

                    In fact, the first day we were told to be in the raw for our bath. It was most embarrassing since we Indians are prudish.

                    We soaped ourselves and the seniors chucked us along the tiled floor and we had to keep our heads down under the lower rack of the shower stall till we came to a halt at the end!! There was alternating hot and cold water in the shower stalls as we slid past them with our heads totally glued to the tiled floor!

                    Before the bath, we even played "Choo Choo" train!!
                    Last edited by Ray; 21 Mar 08,, 20:44.


                    "Some have learnt many Tricks of sly Evasion, Instead of Truth they use Equivocation, And eke it out with mental Reservation, Which is to good Men an Abomination."

                    I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

                    HAKUNA MATATA

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by braindead View Post
                      ´The Fire Drill´ in my training time looked somewhat different . After signal we had to evacuate everything from our company rooms (an entire floor) , except built-in wardrobes to drill field 200 metres away and set up the company rooms in exactly same placing as in our rooms . 2-story bed bunks and personal belongings , chairs and so on . The finding the exact locations for all of it took some time , but finally we managed it .
                      Then the sergeants told us to go to sleep . It was actually kinda fun , laying under beautiful September sky for couple hours . The the ´awake´ signal came and we got to carry it all back inside .

                      It was the traditional ´reaction´ in my Btl., when drill sergeants found that the young ones were not keeping their rooms clean enough . It ended with next group of trainees , who after ´Fire´ signal evacuated their stuff as in real fire and threw the beds through windows . :)
                      Haha, wow! You've sure out-shined me -- reassembling your bay outside! That must've been quite a sight.

                      Comment


                      • Then we had the "round the clock reporting", where every half hour through out the night we had to report in different rigs as specified by the senior.

                        It was horrid.

                        The person we had to report to also had his sleep ruined and so while initially he would open the door and checked the kit, during the later part of the night he would say carry on when we knocked.

                        Therefore, many of us took the risk and just wore our ammunition boot and made a song and a dance with them coming to halt and then knocking. In most cases,the senior would sleepily say carry on!!

                        So. the ammunition boot even in a sleeping suit did the trick!


                        "Some have learnt many Tricks of sly Evasion, Instead of Truth they use Equivocation, And eke it out with mental Reservation, Which is to good Men an Abomination."

                        I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

                        HAKUNA MATATA

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Ray View Post
                          We also had these types of showers.

                          Surprising isn't it, it did not excite?

                          We just showered and went our way! ;) :))

                          In fact, the first day we were told to be in the raw for our bath. It was most embarrassing since we Indians are prudish.

                          We soaped ourselves and the seniors chucked us along the tiled floor and we had to keep our heads down under the lower rack of the shower stall till we came to a halt at the end!! There was alternating hot and cold water in the shower stalls as we slid past them with our heads totally glued to the tiled floor!

                          Before the bath, we even played "Choo Choo" train!!
                          Yikes. Most evenings we have "shower drills" -- the entire platoon has 10 minutes to take a shower. That's 60 men for 8 shower heads.

                          Just enough time to get soaped up, but not enough time to actually wash the soap off.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Ray View Post
                            Then we had the "round the clock reporting", where every half hour through out the night we had to report in different rigs as specified by the senior.

                            It was horrid.

                            The person we had to report to also had his sleep ruined and so while initially he would open the door and checked the kit, during the later part of the night he would say carry on when we knocked.

                            Therefore, many of us took the risk and just wore our ammunition boot and made a song and a dance with them coming to halt and then knocking. In most cases,the senior would sleepily say carry on!!

                            So. the ammunition boot even in a sleeping suit did the trick!

                            Sounds a lot like our "Staff Duty", which is also 24 hours. If you were lucky you pulled fire-guard and didn't have to leave the bay.

                            If you pulled a Staff Duty shift, you had to wake 10 minutes before your shift started and get into full uniform, do your hour shift, and then return only to undress again. Invariably whenever I pulled staff duty I was relieved by the laziest guys in the platoon -- they wouldn't wake up 10 min prior to their shift to allow themselves time to dress and report, causing my shift to last that much longer. Infuriating.

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                            • Oh man, you started a great thread Malory;) My boot camp memories at P.I. were not great at the time, as a matter of fact I tend to shudder at the stuff i went through even now:( I can relate to your food incident at boot camp, cause when i joined i was definitly overweight at the time. As a matter of fact, I was barely able to pass the PFT, (Physical Fitness Test) to get in;) They put me in a special program for a couple of weeks called "PCP", Pork Chop Platoon! After that program was done, it really just continued in the regular boot camp only a lot harsher. They literally starved and worked me to death! I was what the Drill Instructors called a "Fat Body" which they relished in reminding me everyday;) One time we were Humping for 12 miles in the woods all day, carrying 60lb Alice packs. When we would stop to eat our MRE's they would never let us finish them. The D.I.'s would be screamin "Your Done! I said, Your Done!" in the froggiest voice you've ever heard;) we'd end up thrownin away so much food, that it was killin me to no end. That late night me and another "Recruit" was on Fire Watch, and all we could do was whisper to each other, how hungry we were. Well needless to say, after little debate, we both sneaked out and left our camp site. That dark night two would be Marines seached by moonlight and found the "Prize"! I lifted the lid and handed my M-16 to my fellow Recruit and dove into that wonderful dumpster! OK, now I know what you guys are thinkin, "Man I would never have done that!" Yeah right;) You would be surprized at what people would do if there are hungry enough. I tell you what, I found a loaf of bread and some unopened MRE's and feasted for the first time in weeks! Heh, I was 18 years young back then, and never sufferd a day in my life till I got into Boot Camp. But that night, I began to apreciate the little things alittle more;)
                              In retrospect, I would say it was the best way in a short period of time to get in shape. In 4 months I went from weighing around 200lb to 165lb when I graduated, and barely passing my PFT and upon completion I ran 3 miles in 18 and half min. 80 sit-ups in 2 minutes, and 18 pullups. Not quite a perfect score of 300pts. but well in a catergory of 1st class.

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                              • Originally posted by malory View Post
                                Haha, wow! You've sure out-shined me -- reassembling your bay outside! That must've been quite a sight.
                                Yes I guess it was quite a sight . Actually it was not bad experience and quite funny.

                                When we went to field camp , the sergeants took whatever piece of equipment they found un-attended and you had to make a copy of wood of given piece of equipment out of your spare time and carry it with you as replacement .
                                It took some time , but in the end of camp we had couple of wooden Galil AR´s , a RPG-7 and quite remarkably well-done Galil Sniper , all out of fine pine wood plus some miscellaneous stuff - magazines , helmet ,shovel etc .
                                Then one sergeant tried to snatch a Galil from a guy who was sleeping but the guy woke up (we slept with slings around arms) and automaticly smacked the ´thief´ with rifle butt .:)) . Right across the teeth .
                                Last edited by BD1; 22 Mar 08,, 16:16.
                                If i only was so smart yesterday as my wife is today

                                Minding your own biz is great virtue, but situation awareness saves lives - Dok

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