Stories!

[Confed999]

I love stories. I live for stories. The best stories are, as I would say when I was a kid, "Army" stories. I want to hear some stories! Good stories, bad stories, stories that restore faith in man, stupid stories, funny stories, scarry stories, any true "Army" stories!!!!

[Officer of Engineers]

This is one of those never overdo coming down on the Sgts stories. My buddy and I were at the Battle School during one of those exercises. One of those 32 hour days and 5 minute sleeps and Murphy showing his head everywhere. We were supposed to be trucked to our new location and catch 2 hours of sleep. Well, the truck wasn't working and instead of a 2 hour sleep, we're talking a 15 kms march. My buddy lost it on the Travel Officer, who had to take it all.

Well, exercise over and we were waiting in line to get our travel orders back to our base in Ontario and weekend leave. I got my plane tickets and then, the Travel Officer turned around to my buddy and said, "sorry, sir but there was a mixed up at the airport. I couldn't get you on the flight but I did get you your bus tickets.

"But that's a 42 hour bus ride!!!!!"

"Yes, Sir, and your bus leaves in 20 minutes. You better hurry."

[Officer of Engineers]

Here is another one.

Showed up at Regiment (don't want to name them and the person involved) to get info on an upcoming op. I showed up and walked into the parade hall and saw the 2IC just reaming this civilian who was just smiling at him, almost laughing.

The civie looked familiar and I couldn't figured out who. The Commissioner (former military retiree working as government security) saw me and waved me over and pointed to a picture on the wall. I got it.

I smiled and approached the screaming Captain and the smiling civilian. "Good evening, General."

I swear I never seen a man turned white on the spot.

[Confed999]

Perfect!

[Blademaster]

This is one of those never overdo coming down on the Sgts stories. My buddy and I were at the Battle School during one of those exercises. One of those 32 hour days and 5 minute sleeps and Murphy showing his head everywhere. We were supposed to be trucked to our new location and catch 2 hours of sleep. Well, the truck wasn't working and instead of a 2 hour sleep, we're talking a 15 kms march. My buddy lost it on the Travel Officer, who had to take it all.

Well, exercise over and we were waiting in line to get our travel orders back to our base in Ontario and weekend leave. I got my plane tickets and then, the Travel Officer turned around to my buddy and said, "sorry, sir but there was a mixed up at the airport. I couldn't get you on the flight but I did get you your bus tickets.

"But that's a 42 hour bus ride!!!!!"

"Yes, Sir, and your bus leaves in 20 minutes. You better hurry."

Did your buddy do anything to that Sgt when he came back after that long ride? Like write a letter of reprimand or derail that Sgt. career?

I would have done something to that Sgt. Because of what he did, he would become a personal enemy for life and I would always be on the lookout to trip him up.

A smarter SGT would have done something less but gently to remind your buddy.

I know the saying about never pissing off your senior NCOs but the fact always remains: Never piss off someone who has a say in your career path or your paycheck.

[Officer of Engineers]

The Sgt was not part of our base, nor of our unit. He was the Travel Officer at the Battle School. My buddy would've look pretty stupid trying to jump the chains-of-command. Gagetown would have protected the Sgt from a 2 bar from Ontario.

[kNikS]

Guess that sarge overfcuked the system.

[Blademaster]

Here is another one.

Showed up at Regiment (don't want to name them and the person involved) to get info on an upcoming op. I showed up and walked into the parade hall and saw the 2IC just reaming this civilian who was just smiling at him, almost laughing.

The civie looked familiar and I couldn't figured out who. The Commissioner (former military retiree working as government security) saw me and waved me over and pointed to a picture on the wall. I got it.

I smiled and approached the screaming Captain and the smiling civilian. "Good evening, General."

I swear I never seen a man turned white on the spot.

It was about a parking spot, right? I remember this story. It was pretty funny as hell. Man, I wonder what his shriveled balls must have looked like at that time.

[Blademaster]

The Sgt was not part of our base, nor of our unit. He was the Travel Officer at the Battle School. My buddy would've look pretty stupid trying to jump the chains-of-command. Gagetown would have protected the Sgt from a 2 bar from Ontario.

Ah that explains it. Boy what a long ride for your buddy. OR did he throw his bus tickets in the trash and buy separate airline tickets or decided to stay at the base? I pity him

[Lunatock]

A story I was told by Joe Kacka(sp?), A World War Two Veteran.

"I almost got busted for going AWOL. While I was in France with the US Army I took a jeep and headed south for Chechloslovakia, because I had family there. I got within one hundred miles of their town when an MP caught up with me and told me to go back north. He thought I was crazy! for doing that."

[kNikS]

Here is one from me.

During WWI my grandfather was a Lieutenant in Royal Serbian Army. After he was wounded and captured in mid 1915 he was sent to Austro-Hungarian war-prisoner camp in Aschech in Austria. He tried to escape 2 times and both times get caught. After second try the commander of a camp brought him in front of the other prisoners in manner that whole situation looked like he is going to get killed. Instead of that he was praised as an example of persistence in serving to his country. Third time was a success since he somehow managed to disguise himself as a Austro-Hungarian NCO. He traveled through Hungary, Serbia and passed through Carpathian Mountains in Romania on foot, finally reaching frontline in the place of Jassy in today’s Moldavia and reporting to Serbian volunteer unit in the Russian Army.

[Confed999]

More stories! Ray, Bluesman, Snipe, lemontree, Hawk Eye, Dave Angel, all of you soldiers, let's hear 'em! :)

[Officer of Engineers]

Ah that explains it. Boy what a long ride for your buddy. OR did he throw his bus tickets in the trash and buy separate airline tickets or decided to stay at the base? I pity him

We didn't bring alot of money with us. The best way to avoid losing your money to the 2 RCR guys is not to have any.

And we had parade bright and early morning Mon, so he didn't had any choice. Truth be told, he was in better shape than I was. I was still sufferring from a hangover.

[Shek]

TH had hit me up for the same thing awhile back. It's later and since we lose an hour of sleep tonight, please forgive me for just cutting and pasting what I sent him. Here are the acronyms I used:

PL - Platoon Leader
PSG - Platoon Sergeant
1SG - First Sergeant

We got our smallpox vaccinations prior to deploying to Iraq, which consists of the live cowpox virus injected into your shoulder to build smallpox antibodies. It itches like crazy and a puss blister forms for several days during the process. In any case, we were out in the field for a pre-deployment training exercise, and I was briefed in a commander's meeting how several males in the brigade had had the smallpox vaccine spread to their genitalia. So, on the way back to the company, a scheme hatched and I discussed it with the 1SG. He agreed and then went to brief the PLs and PSGs about the problem and how it was "mandatory" to inspect everyone's genetalia to make sure they didn't have the same problem, and that this came straight from the brigade commander. I had to hang out in my vehicle because I couldn't keep a straight face, and I could hear all the grumbling of the PSGs and PLs saying how messed up it was and that this was BS. Anyways, just as 1SG was getting all the PLs and PSGs formed up to drop their trousers, we broke the news that we were joking but that the smallpox on the genitalia was a true issue.

After cursing at us for how f'ed up that joke was, nearly all the PL/PSGs returned to their platoons and repeated the process of getting the platoon formed up and playing the joke. Of course, the bolder soldiers that were smart a$$es ended up dropping trou anyways and telling the PSG/PL to check them out (think Snipe ), so it was a good laugh for most people.

So, there's plenty of opportunities for light hearted moments like this.

Another story of where I messed up was taking some .wav files of Snoop Doggy Dogg saying "Biotch!" and "Deez Nuts!" and associating with Microsoft Outlook on my 1SG's computer. Of course, he thought it was a funny joke and ended up keeping it and would turn up his computer speakers full blast so the Snoop Doggy Dogg sound bites would echo through the office everytime he got email. Well, we were holding an Article 15 hearing a few days later, and you turn on the acting mode to become extra serious and pensive, with 1SG adding the angry emotions. I'm in the middle of reading the charges and explaining the procedures when out of nowhere 1SG's computer screams "Biotch!" Well, it was too much for me and 1SG, and for about 10 seconds I was able to keep a straight face until the faces of surprise and laughter of the platoon chain of command, who was standing behind the soldier who was getting the Article, were too much for me. I started laughing and the 1SG kicked the soldier out of the office until we could regain our composure. The act was up and we finished that Article 15 without too much dramatics.

[sappersgt]

Sapper Co 2nd SAI's motto... JWFP

I love stories. I live for stories. The best stories are, as I would say when I was a kid, "Army" stories. I want to hear some stories! Good stories, bad stories, stories that restore faith in man, stupid stories, funny stories, scarry stories, any true "Army" stories!!!!

I was waiting to be evaced after we had finally secured (the newspapers said "A Daring Dawn Assault") the upper decks of a Liberian freighter when the call went out for anyone with sailing experience. " I sailed down to Baja (CA) when I was 12," I replied. The next thing I know I'm on the bridge ( with my leg propped up) of a 10,600 ton freighter trying to steer it to Durban harbor.
Not knowing what freqs to use I called out on Guard to the Durban Naval Security Detachment to request a pilot to meet me at the outer breakwater identifiing myself as "Sapper Corporal so and so with captured vessel". The radio operator didn't know what to think and left his mike open saying "F***ing Americans, all think they're bloody John Wayne". To which I replied "John Wayne's a f***ing P***y!".
All you could hear for the next five minutes was a bunch of airline pilots and controllers laughing their asses off and doing imitations of the "Duke".
At that moment our company motto was born. We would shout it out while running by the regular army offending many and cheering us to know end. Some of the men even got tattoos.