Thread: U.S. had secret 1930 plan to invade Canada

Originally Posted by Bluesman

Ain't THAT the truth? The whole dam' country should be in a 12-step program...

Russia: 'Hi, everybody, I'm Russia...'

EU, Aussie, North America (in unison): 'Hi, Russia.'

Russia: '...and I have a drinking problem.'

Everybody: 'Yeah, we heard. Dude, you're a MESS, man! Ever hear of putting the bottle back on the shelf before it's empty, comrade?'

AA Counselor: 'C'mon, now world, that wasn't very supportive. Maybe we could each...'

US: 'Yeah, but DAYUM! You guys see him on 'UN Cops' last year? He was out of his TREE, threatening to shoot all the Chechens in his 'hood...'

Aussie: 'Too right, mate! I saw Russia face down in the gutter once when I was comin' out of the krauts' beer tent in Munich, and a couple of French winos were pissin' on 'im!'

AA Counselor: 'I know, but we've all had our problems, right? Why, just think back to when Mexico and Canada came in here arm-in-arm, howling at the moon, looking for help...'

Mexico: 'Hey, gringo, don't tie us in with that cholo. We were just having fun, and wanted to keep our act together. But this hombre is a mean drunk, and getting loco IS his act. Me and Canada, man, we're glad this pendejo don't live on OUR block, dude.'

England: 'Spot on, sir, even if it was...overly colorful. The simple fact is, if our tovarich Russia is to continue to come to the meetings, we should at least resolve to not put him on the refreshments committee, nor allow him access to firearms and we certainly should not count his votes on group discussions.'

Russia: 'This is crap! Arrogant Western bullspit! I want no meetings, I want to get more VODKA! Who comes with me, huh? Fine! More for ME!' (Slams door on the way out.)

AA Counselor: 'NOW see what you've all...'

Germany: 'Macht's nichts. He only vanted to borrow 'trinkengeld' from us. Also, he could not count to twelve unless his boots iss off.'

(Room laughs.)

Just saw this. Laughed so hard my eyes watered.

Originally Posted by smilingassassin

Key word..."Plan Red". The U.S. had a contingency plan for dealing with most nations no matter how unlikely the senario.

The only "plan" they acctually took to the board was "Plan Orange" with Japan.

I'll have to do some digging on just what each colour stood for and who the unlucky nation was that recieved the title "Plan Pink" .

In the 20s the Crown Armed Forces did some work on a plan for a war with America, so I guess the UK felt the same way.

It was all just staff work exercises. It keeps the awful cretins busy (old joke: 'If bread is the staff of life, what is the life of the staff? Answer: One long loaf.' ) and out of pool halls. Nobody has EVER considered war with the UK worth a serious thought; it was simply to stay limber with intellectual exercises with a practical application. Kind of like a bunch of colonels sitting around doing the military's version of sodoku.

Originally Posted by Bluesman

It was all just staff work exercises. It keeps the awful cretins busy (old joke: 'If bread is the staff of life, what is the life of the staff? Answer: One long loaf.' ) and out of pool halls. Nobody has EVER considered war with the UK worth a serious thought; it was simply to stay limber with intellectual exercises with a practical application. Kind of like a bunch of colonels sitting around doing the military's version of sodoku.

Indeed I never suggested that war between the USA and UK was likely, but it is the Military's job to prepare for the worst case scenario and for every possibility conceivable to them at the time. I think that's part of what Crazy Curtis LeMay was talking about when he said that "Shooting wars are won before they begin" or something to that effect.

Originally Posted by shek

LOL. One of the first DVDs I ever bought(Resoviour Dogs).

GREAT movie, no doubt.

"Can you hear that?"

LOL.

If say for whatever reason, the war drums began beating in America for an invasion of Canada. I would write this to an annonymous private, and explain to him what is in store for him.. a little psychological warfare!!

Hi there Private

I have a letter I would like you to read..

Here in my country, many many parts of the Land is so difficult and demanding that the roads and rail lines, which we have subsequently since dystroyed, are the only viable means of getting around.

My fellow Canadians, will have snipers hiding in the treetops, covering what is left of the roads, and covering Open fields, our aim is to force you to march through the bush...Here is what you will have in store once you are forced marched into my Country

Before I begin, I want you to remember, here in Canada, we have four seasons. almost winter, winter, still winter and construction. But in such a situation construction would be replaced by bugs i suppose.

During the Summer, you will realize that Canada isnt a frozen barren landscape at all. Infact, it gets dam hot. Over 90 degrees, and its that thick humid kind. Oh but you wont be able to take off your heavy gear, because then you will have to deal with Poison Ivy, Oak and Sumac. Not to mention the hoardes of bugs in store for you. I believe that you will have become a regular entomologist after a short while Private! My regards to you that you do not go insane from the Deer flies who will circle your head over and over, driving you insane. Only when you get used to them and stop swating, will they land and bite a chunk out of you, leaving a hellishly ichy bite.

During the fall, expect to get rained on all day, then at night you will get rained on some more, but only the the temperature will drop to around or just above the freezing mark, so now youre soaking wet gear becomes like a near frozen wet garb, sucking the heat right out of your body..

During the winter, well unless your government supplies you with snowshoes, you will excert all of your energy just walking in knee deep snow, and whats worse, you will sweat. Sweat is your most dangerous foe, remember this. Forget the damed Canadians, launching hit and run attacks on you all night and all day, as you lay shivering in your soaked uniform with only your body heat to keep it from completely freezing. And no sorry, you dont get a fire to dry our your uniform and socks.

Then spring...ah yes, my favorite time of the year. In a 24 hour time period the temp can drop 20 degrees or more, and you may get assaulted by Freezing rain, rain, snow, or sleet, and all topped off with strong winds...all the while walking in knee deep, slopy slush. Oh and remember private, this time a year the swamps are no longer frozen, so you get the fun and joy of walking on what appears to be snow, but its really a swamp. Now you are waste deep in freezing water, whats that? your officer orders you to do sentry...have fun with that as the winds pick up with a windchill of -25!!

Have fun private...

Sincerely Captain Canuck