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Thread: The Man Rules

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    Senior Contributor Bigfella's Avatar
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    The Man Rules

    These are not new, but I haven't seen them here before. Hilarious.

    The Man Rules. These are our rules!

    Please note. these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes or No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
    Don’t ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    And if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question that you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer that you don’t want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

    1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey or golf.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape.? Round IS a shape!

    Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.


    Win nervously lose tragically - Reds C C

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    BD1
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    just have to say that every forum i see that piece posted, it has ALWAYS been posted by single men.
    )
    If i only was so smart yesterday as my wife is today

    Minding your own biz is great virtue, but situation awareness saves lives - Dok

  3. #3
    Senior Contributor Bigfella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BD1 View Post
    just have to say that every forum i see that piece posted, it has ALWAYS been posted by single men.
    )

    Yes, but the guy who showed it to me is getting married later in the year. In fact, he is the man who bought a house for he & his fiancee without her seeing it first. If you search for 'balls of steel' you will find a thread in his honour.

    Obviously no one is pretending that these could ever be presented as a serious set of instructions, let alone with any expectation of success.

    Still, I'm betting there are some married guys who wish they could.


    Win nervously lose tragically - Reds C C

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    Actually, I've used these with a fair amount of girlfriends. I'm a salesman (and by extension, a professional bullshit artist), so I can pull it off, too. She'd think I'm joking, but every time she'd try and argue with me I'd point to the list.

    Then again, like I mentioned in another thread, I haven't really had any long term relationships... Coincidence? Maybe.
    Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

    Abusing Yellow is meant to be a labor of love, not something you sell to the highest bidder.

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    BD1
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigfella View Post
    Yes, but the guy who showed it to me is getting married later in the year. In fact, he is the man who bought a house for he & his fiancee without her seeing it first. If you search for 'balls of steel' you will find a thread in his honour.

    Obviously no one is pretending that these could ever be presented as a serious set of instructions, let alone with any expectation of success.

    Still, I'm betting there are some married guys who wish they could.
    hope this house has a place for him to hide? )

    this reminds me that my 10th wedding anniversary is coming up in exactly 2 weeks. And i have yet to find a present.
    If i only was so smart yesterday as my wife is today

    Minding your own biz is great virtue, but situation awareness saves lives - Dok

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    Staff Emeritus Julie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BD1 View Post
    just have to say that every forum i see that piece posted, it has ALWAYS been posted by single men.
    )
    How ironic, cuz it's exactly why they are single. Those rules above adhere to men with tunnel vision. No creative thinking in them.

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    Sure there is, there's extremely creative thinking in keeping out of trouble after using them...
    Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

    Abusing Yellow is meant to be a labor of love, not something you sell to the highest bidder.

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    Staff Emeritus Julie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigross86 View Post
    Sure there is, there's extremely creative thinking in keeping out of trouble after using them...
    That's right, you're so busy thinking of ways to stay out of trouble, you are eluding the ways of staying into a relationship.

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    Hey, it keeps things interesting... Living life on the edge!
    Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

    Abusing Yellow is meant to be a labor of love, not something you sell to the highest bidder.

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    Official Thread Jacker Senior Contributor gunnut's Avatar
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    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
    We can leave it down. But don't complain about the bad aim.
    "Only Nixon can go to China." -- Old Vulcan proverb.

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    Idiot Mode [ON] OFF Senior Contributor YellowFever's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gunnut View Post
    We can leave it down. But don't complain about the bad aim.

    Actually, this is a problem I never encountered since my "gun" is below the level of the toilet seat when I go. )

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    Lord High Hullabalooster Senior Contributor dalem's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YellowFever View Post
    Actually, this is a problem I never encountered since my "gun" is below the level of the toilet seat when I go. )
    Try standing up next time.



    -dale

  13. #13
    Idiot Mode [ON] OFF Senior Contributor YellowFever's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dalem View Post
    Try standing up next time.



    -dale

    Ouch.

    I expected that answer from Julie or grossie.

    At least when women promise me wood, they usually deliver.

  14. #14
    Staff Emeritus Julie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YellowFever View Post
    Ouch.

    I expected that answer from Julie or grossie.

    At least when women promise me wood, they usually deliver.
    Dale beat me to it.

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    I was at a party. Yellowbelly, consider yourself insulted by me over something stupid you're bound to do or say in the near future
    Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

    Abusing Yellow is meant to be a labor of love, not something you sell to the highest bidder.

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