Tragic news: English hunting party massacred in far-flung outpost of Empire

[Parihaka]

From the wire services this morning, tragic news from Hamilton New Zealand where brief reports are coming in of an English hunting party ambushed and massacred by a species of small flightless birds endemic to those regions.

In a brief message one of only a handful of survivors sent "send help, eleven dead in ambush. We fired everything we had at them but they just kept coming, attempted retreat but am surrounded, in the name of all that's Cricket, send help!"

It's believed the survivors have now surrendered totally and are being fed, watered and given medical care including post-traumatic stress therapy by their captors.

Messages of condolence may be sent to the

English Cricket Team,
c/o those bloody kiwis,
New Zealand.

Source

[Shamus]

[T_igger_cs_30]

Originally Posted by Parihaka

From the wire services this morning, tragic news from Hamilton New Zealand where brief reports are coming in of an English hunting party ambushed and massacred by a species of small flightless birds endemic to those regions.

In a brief message one of only a handful of survivors sent "send help, eleven dead in ambush. We fired everything we had at them but they just kept coming, attempted retreat but am surrounded, in the name of all that's Cricket, send help!"

It's believed the survivors have now surrendered totally and are being fed, watered and given medical care including post-traumatic stress therapy by their captors.

Messages of condolence may be sent to the

English Cricket Team,
c/o those bloody kiwis,
New Zealand.

Source

What's the difference between an arsonist and the All Blacks? An arsonist wouldn't waste five matches.

What's the difference between the All Blacks and a tea bag? A tea bag stays longer in the cup.

Kiplings Cakes are the new All Blacks' sponsor – because they crumble in quarters.

What do you call 15 blokes sitting watching the World Cup semifinal? The All Blacks.

What about the All Black bra? All support but no cup.

Why do the All Blacks always have two to a hotel room when they're on tour? So one can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre when the other one chokes.

Whats the difference between the All Blacks and Viagra?
Viagra will at least guarantee you a semi...

OXO Have just made a new cube to cheer up Kiwi food. It's called-laughing stock.

World leaders are united in their praise for the All Blacks in doing their bit to reduce their carbon footprint by dropping the Wannabies off on their way home............

The IRB have decided they need to extend the RWC Competition and have instigated a play off for 5th place.
It's to be known as the "Bledisloe Cup".

Heard the one about French viticulturalists going to NZ.. not because their wine is any better but they'd heard that they bottle it spectacularly.

Why did Graham Henry go to a ball dressed as a pumpkin?
Because he hoped when the clock struck midnight he would turn into a coach.

Why did the man go to a Canterbury store & try to buy condoms?
He was too embarrassed to ask for an All Black jersey

Q: What is the main function of the All Black coach?
A: To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Q: What do you need when the All Blacks are buried up to their necks in sand?
A: More sand

Q: What do you call an Aussie or a New Zealander in the last four at the RWC?
A: A Ref.

Whats the difference between the All blacks and 15 funeral-goers?
At least the funeral-goers get to wear black.

Doug Howlett walks into a bar in England, carrying a dog with no legs, no ears and no teeth.
"What a useless creature" says the barman. "Where did you get that?"
"In New Zealand" replies the dog.

[Parihaka]

Originally Posted by T_igger_cs_30

Not a wee bit grumpy are we T_igger?

[Bigfella]

Remind me again T_igger, how many RWC's have England, inventors of the game, actually won? Is it more or less than Australia?

What do you call 12 Englishmen at the Cricket World Cup? Spectators.

Which nation has won more Football World Cups, England or Uruguay?

Still, its nice to have England around. Always a good chance of a win for us antipodeans.

[glyn]

[quote=Bigfella;458918]Remind me again T_igger, how many RWC's have England, inventors of the game, actually won? Is it more or less than Australia?

What do you call 12 Englishmen at the Cricket World Cup? Spectators.

Which nation has won more Football World Cups, England or Uruguay?

Sport, schmort. Who the hell cares? Not this old fellow. The only cricket for which I have a shred of interest is held at the village level. Above that it is all about 'professionals' or big money. Boring, boring! The same applies to football, but in this case I wouldn't even watch at village level. In fact I have never seen a complete game of football in my life. Just wait until I become Emperor. Football will be banned with immediate effect!! As for the Brits inventing things, what's new?

[glyn]

Perhaps I was a trifle unkind to you there. In fact the Australians invented Dwarf Throwing, and the New Zealanders gave Bungee Jumping to the world - so you are not totally lacking in culture or the field of inventions!

[The Chap]

Painting maps red.

I assume that "smug" and "conceited" are not strickly sports, but games.

[Parihaka]

Can you believe it, chasing 341 and it was a bloody draw

[dave lukins]

Originally Posted by Parihaka

Can you believe it, chasing 341 and it was a bloody draw

You needed 2 runs on that last ball...never mind try again

[Tronic]

Originally Posted by Parihaka

Can you believe it, chasing 341 and it was a bloody draw

Hehe, it was a beatiful chase yet.. look at the bright side.. New Zealand cannot possibly loose the series..

[Foremost]

Originally Posted by Parihaka

From the wire services this morning, tragic news from Hamilton New Zealand where brief reports are coming in of an English hunting party ambushed and massacred by a species of small flightless birds endemic to those regions.

In a brief message one of only a handful of survivors sent "send help, eleven dead in ambush. We fired everything we had at them but they just kept coming, attempted retreat but am surrounded, in the name of all that's Cricket, send help!"

It's believed the survivors have now surrendered totally and are being fed, watered and given medical care including post-traumatic stress therapy by their captors.

Messages of condolence may be sent to the

English Cricket Team,
c/o those bloody kiwis,
New Zealand.

Source

As a Brit, I get the irony of your post, but to tell the truth I think we're a poor team lately, that year we got the ashes was a huge fluke, demonstrated by the next season when we got thorugh thrashed & I'm sorry to say that I think it was a deffo one-off & will never happen again

Foremost

[Parihaka]

Originally Posted by Foremost

As a Brit, I get the irony of your post, but to tell the truth I think we're a poor team lately,

Never mind matey, we're a poor team too, just slightly better than you

The test matches will however be a different story, I expect we'll loose gloriously

[Foremost]

Originally Posted by Parihaka

Never mind matey, we're a poor team too, just slightly better than you

The test matches will however be a different story, I expect we'll lose gloriously

I like your attitude cobber but we'll lose again this summer, or my didgeridoo's a banana ha ha!

[Jay]

Originally Posted by Parihaka

Never mind matey, we're a poor team too, just slightly better than you

The test matches will however be a different story, I expect we'll loose gloriously

Aha, humility, If only you could teach it to your neighbor Australia...

Dont know why, I always make a dig at Australia even if its completely out of the way, may be they are that good in the sport or may be its their arrogance