Post Your jokes here

[glyn]

Following is the winning entry from an annual contest calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term: Political Correctness.




"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

[execrable]

First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with their first real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger up the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked around the class, catching each one by eye before telling them -

"The second most important quality is 'Observation.....' I stuck my middle finger in, and sucked on my index finger."

"Now learn to pay attention...."

[tim52]

[glyn]

Orlando Mc Coy International: "US Air 737 on taxiway Juliet hold your position"
"Ah jeez, now what?"
"You have just run over an alligator"
"Can you send one of our engineers out to take a look"
"Not right now, the alligator had a friend who is investigating. It's about 12' long and looks mighty pissed"
"Well can you send our legal department, they're a bunch of predators and should be able to negotiate"

[execrable]

Tim52, that's MY kind of fairy tale.

[brak]

. .

[glyn]

TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU !!!

AN "IRISH "APPLICATION
----------------------------------------

Shamus Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at an Irish firm based in Dublin . At the same time an American named Bob Roberts applied for the same job .Since both applicants had similar qualifications the manager asked them to take a written test .

When the results were in , amazingly enough both men had only one wrong answer.

The manager went to Murphy and said , "Thank you for coming for the interview , but we've decided to give Bob the job ".

Murphy replied ,"Oh and why would you be after doing that ? We both got 19 questions correct .This being Ireland and me being Irish , surely I should get the job ".

The manager answered , "Well, we made our decision not on the correct answers but on the question you both missed ".

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other ?" asked Murphy .

"Simple . On question 7 the American wrote down "I don't know " and you wrote
"Neither do I ".

[saambaarblast]

.

[mostlymad]

ok, this is pretty lame:

A blonde decides to make some quick cash and kidnaps a young child. She writes a note to the mother telling her to leave $10,000 in cash behind a certain tree or she'll never see her precious brat again.

The kidnapper hands the note to the kidnapped child and sends him home telling him to give it to his mother.

The next day, the kidnapper finds a bag with $10,000 cash in it along with a note that says - "I can't believe one blonde would do this to another blonde!!!"

[mostlymad]

elephant jokes

what do you do if you're walking through the jungle and you come across an elephant?

...wipe it off.


How do you know an elephant's sex glands are in its feet?

...if it steps on you, you're f***ed.

[mostlymad]

Ant jokes (really bad)

How do you know you have terrorist ants in your neighborhood?

...ant-thrax

[mostlymad]

and one more...

Man hater joke:

What do you have if you put a sugar cube on a guy's head?

...sweet f**k all.

[brak]

Two boys were arrested, one was eating batteries, the other eating fireworks.


Police charged one, and let the other off.

[brak]

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the
custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her
feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children
into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked
for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and
replied: "Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a
Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"

[THL]

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, “What are you up to?” Alice smiles, “I'm going hunting with you!” Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.” Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.

But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, “Get away from my deer!” Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”