Post Your jokes here

[Amaterasu]

[THL]

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair; and
Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as morality became contraband; places of worship became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

[LongshotSNN]

There are some things which I can never scratch out of my mind's eye.

Thanks alot, execrable.

[Amaterasu]

Originally Posted by LongshotSNN

There are some things which I can never scratch out of my mind's eye.

Thanks alot, execrable.

If you thought that was bad.....
[might not want to see it at work or in front of kids, or if you are weak hearted, etc, etc.]

http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/6...uncelm2xj6.gif

[THL]

Originally Posted by STIG

If you thought that was bad.....
[might not want to see it at work or in front of kids, or if you are weak hearted, etc, etc.]

http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/6...uncelm2xj6.gif

Is that dude wearing sunglasses or does he have a black eye?

[Amaterasu]

Originally Posted by THL

Is that dude wearing sunglasses or does he have a black eye?

probably a black eye

[execrable]

Originally Posted by STIG

If you thought that was bad.....
[might not want to see it at work or in front of kids, or if you are weak hearted, etc, etc.]

I'm so sorry....... I'll give you advance warning next time. In the meantime, make sure you lock things up... securely!

[Amaterasu]

Originally Posted by execrable

I'm so sorry....... I'll give you advance warning next time. In the meantime, make sure you lock things up... securely!

good one execrable


can you say oops?

[sappersgt]

At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.
The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the apex predator in its natural eco-system, can still fall victim to implemented team work strategy, made possible by the tight knit social structure and survival of the fittest pack mentality bred into canines over the last thousands of years by natural selection.
See the remarkable photograph attached, courtesy of Nature Magazine.
Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while the remainder of the pack prevents the beast from rolling.
Beware! This is not for the squeamish!












Scroll down for photo.......

[GVChamp]

What's red and green at moving at 100 mph?


Santa's sled, falling down from 10,000 feet

[standoh]

sappersgt, you had me going for awhile there.


I tease because I love.Specifically I love the power rush I get every time you run upstairs sobbing and lock yourself in the bathroom.

[T_igger_cs_30]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

[T_igger_cs_30]

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have

An oil shortage here in Canada

Well, there's a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low .

The reason for that is purely geographical.

Our OIL is located in

Alberta

Newfoundland

Saskatchewan

And

B.C.


.

.

.

Our

DIPSTICKS

Are located in

OTTAWA

[execrable]

Originally Posted by STIG

can you say oops?

Too close for comfort.......

got sent this one - another good reason to lock things away.

[glyn]

(Plagiarised from another site!)
A man asked a Red Indian for his wifes name, and was surprised when he was told 'Three Horse'. "Why, that's unusual, and I have never heard of anyone being called that before" said the man " is there a reason behind this"?
The Red Indian simply replied "Nag, nag, nag"!