Post Your jokes here

[tankie]

Originally Posted by tankie

Yea you ,d think that i suppose . Close but no cigar ? The answer Julie is 16 , see if you can work it out

Tsk tsk , i suppose iwill have to tell you the answer huh ?

well its 16 because



































16 comes with french fries , the rest are all with fried rice

[glyn]

A fellow was getting ready to tee off on the first hole
when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The
first golfer said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

After two holes they were even. The second guy said,
"We're about evenly matched. How about playing for five bucks a hole?"

The first fellow said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy then won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen and while counting his $80,
the second guy confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course
and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The golf pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering
to return the money.

The Priest said, "No, you won fair and square and I was
foolish to bet with you. Keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest answered, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make
a donation. And if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."

Love this priest!

[glyn]

The Test...
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.


THE SITUATION

You are in England, York to be specific.

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.

This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water.

Nature is unleashing all its destructive fury.

THE TEST

Suddenly, you see a man in the water.

He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.

You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar...
You suddenly realise who it is... It's Gordon Brown! You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options:

You can save the life of Gordon Brown or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the country's most powerful men!

THE QUESTION

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer...


Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

[Knaur Amarsh]

Originally Posted by glyn

The Test...
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.


THE SITUATION

You are in England, York to be specific.

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.

This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water.

Nature is unleashing all its destructive fury.

THE TEST

Suddenly, you see a man in the water.

He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.

You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar...
You suddenly realise who it is... It's Gordon Brown! You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options:

You can save the life of Gordon Brown or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the country's most powerful men!

THE QUESTION

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer...


Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

Awesome, had me holding my breath till the end

[glyn]

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of
the rascally behavior that was going on. So He called
one of His angels and sent the angel to earth for a
time.

When he returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on

Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.' God

thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better

send down a second angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent him to earth for

a time, too. When the angel returned he went to God

and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline;

95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'

God was not pleased. So He decided to email the 5% who

were good because He wanted to encourage them, give

them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the email said?

No?



Okay, just wondering. I didn't get one either.

[Witcheschild]

Redneck Swimming Pool Witch.

[Witcheschild]

Redneck Horseshoes. Witch.

[Julie]

Doh !....I've done the redneck swimming pool in my truck driving around town, but I've never done the redneck horseshoes ! Cool !

[Witcheschild]

Originally Posted by Julie

Doh !....I've done the redneck swimming pool in my truck driving around town, but I've never done the redneck horseshoes ! Cool !

I know you just didn't say "Driving Around Town?" Gawd, could you and I not get into T-r-o-u-b-l-e together?

" Celebrating the BIG 1-0-0!"

[Witcheschild]

Originally Posted by Julie

Doh !....I've done the redneck swimming pool in my truck driving around town

Ain't it a Beeatch when you are in the cab and have to slam on the brakes with the little back window slid open?

WHITE WATERRRRRRRRRRR!

I prefer a flotation device when in the bed of the truck. And a helmet.
Witch.

[Julie]

Everybody here thought I was crazy when I told them about it. But it was a real hoot !

[Witcheschild]

I realize this is a predominately male site, and all the female jokes I have chuckled at myself. So I hope you Gents won't be offended by:

Women Waiting For the Perfect Man.

Witch.

[Witcheschild]

Originally Posted by Julie

Everybody here thought I was crazy when I told them about it. But it was a real hoot !

Yeah, must be a Southern Gal thing. Broke our hearts over here on the west side of GA when they outlawed people riding in the back of a pick-up. We figgered that included people swimming in the back of pick-ups.

Witch. Dang-it!

[Witcheschild]

If these have been posted previously here, I apologize. I tried to view all 70+ threads, but laughed so hard I got the hick-hic-ups.
See anything unusual in this photo?

Witch

[Witcheschild]

Its right here.

Witch.