Post Your jokes here

[Pseudonymity]

There are final exams taking place in a college physics class. The entire Exam consists of a single essay question being: "Prove that the chair that is in the middle of the room does not really exist. The students wrote enlightening, extensive essays but they all failed. The one essay that passed was 2 words long. It read: "What chair?"

[glyn]

Subject: MAJOR FLOOD IN ROTHERHAM


A major flood hit on Monday evening

Epicentre: Rotherham , England .

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing
pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering
"fookinhell" and "chuffinnorah".

The flood decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the
Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived.

Radio station RotherFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting had happened in Rotherham .

One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It
was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom
crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was
still shaking when I was watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning".

Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime
carried on as normal.

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of
Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals,
rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of
personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke
at Argos , and bone china from Pound-stretcher.

Can You Help?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the
victims of this disaster.

Clothing is needed most of all, especially:

· Fila or Burberry baseball caps

· Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)

· Shell suits (female)

· White sports socks

· Rockfort boots or any other product sold in Primark

Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your
efforts will make a difference.

Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or
Special Brew are ideal.

Please do not give anything that requires peeling.

Remember:

· 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims

· £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9

· £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells

Please do not send tents for shelter. The sight of such posh housing will
cause residents to believe they have been forcibly relocated to Sheffield

[tankie]

Police acted super fast today when a bomb was left outside Hamzas Finsbury park mosque , luckily they were able to kick it inside before it went off

[Kansas Bear]

Here is some food for thought!!!


The population of this country is 300 million.


160 million are retired.





That leaves 140 million to do the work.



There are 90 million in school.



Which leaves 50 million to do the work.




Of this there are 35 million employed by the
federal government.




Leaving 15 million to do the work.





2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied
with killing Osama Bin-Laden.



Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.



Take from that total the 10.8 million people
who work for state and city governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do
the work.




At any given time there are 188,000 people in
hospitals.




Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.






Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.






That leaves just two people to do the work.






You and me.






And there you are,







sitting on your ass,






at your computer, reading jokes.







Nice. Real nice

[tankie]

Shouldnt you be at work ?

[wkllaw]

Kansas Bear, what about the mexicans in America?

[wkllaw]

what would Mao say?

[sappersgt]

what would Mao say?

"Does she have a sister?"

[standoh]

Q:Why are dogs such bad dancers?
A:Because the have two left feet.

Q:how do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
A:roast it till it's Bill Withers

[glyn]

These legitimate companies didn't spend quite

enough time considering how their on-line names might

appear ... and be misread.

These are not made up. Check them out yourself!





1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent

that represents any celebrity Their Web site is Contact Celebrity Agents Lawyers Managers and Publicists - WhoRepresents?com

2 . "Experts Exchange" is a knowledge base where programmers can

exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchangecom

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than "Pen Island" at Welcome to Pen Island! The best pens on the internet!

4. Need a therapist? Try "Therapist Finder" at California Therapists at TherapistFinder.com

5. There's the "Italian Power Generator company", www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don't forget the "Mole Station Native Nursery" in New South Wales, molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for "IP computer software", there's always ipAnywhere - Essential tool for pcAnywhere

8. . And the designers at "Speed of Art" await you at their wacky Web site, Speed of Art. Website of Nigel Talamo

[glyn]

Paddy told the bartender, "Bring me a glass of Les, please."
"'Les?' Never heard of that one," replied the barkeep.
"What? Sure you have."
"No, really, I don't stock it. What is it? Foreign beer?"
"Not sure," replied Paddy,"my doctor mentioned it at my last physical.
He told me to 'Drink Les!'"

[tankie]

3 Pakistani well educated doctors , turned terrorist , armed with a car bomb failed to kill anyone at Glasgow airport .

H Shipman , with one syringe managed about 300+

Makes ya proud to be Britsh doesnt it

[tankie]

what would Mao say?

no moutse tounges

[glyn]

A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform sexually.
He goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.
Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this.

With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a
flash with billowing blue smoke. Then the African medicine man says, "This
is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to
do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The man then
asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The
medicine man replies, "When your partner can take no more sex and is
completely satisfied, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go
down. But" he continued, "be warned, the pork sword will not rise again
for another whole year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he
showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,
cuddles up to his wife, and says "123" and suddenly he has this huge
erection, just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say '123' for?"

[dave lukins]

Brilliant quite brilliant