Post Your jokes here

**bonehead** · 17 Feb 12,, 04:21

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
State, City, County & Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
Obama 'Service
This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.
BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

I would hope that you are now just as enlightened as I am.

**USSWisconsin** · 18 Feb 12,, 04:17

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.

As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldnt help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, Pepper."

**USSWisconsin** · 20 Feb 12,, 20:16

Geography Lesson
Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran,

Ruled by nuts.

**Weasel** · 20 Feb 12,, 23:51

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't
escape and finally pulls over.

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

**tankie** · 22 Feb 12,, 12:03

Heath Ledger, Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston... Every time you go to the cinema or buy an album, you are basically directly funding their coke habits...

That's why I download everything... Just trying to save lives here - some would call me a caring guy !

**tankie** · 22 Feb 12,, 12:11

A Scottish Soldier in full dress uniform marches into a chemist
shop. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly
folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk
square handkerchief, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it. The Scott hands it to the
chemist.

"How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the chemist.

The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"Six pence," says the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk
square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in
his sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt
swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a loud discussion going
on outside his shop, followed by an enormous cheer. The Scottish
soldier marches back into the chemist and addresses the proprietor,
this time
with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one.

**bigross86** · 22 Feb 12,, 13:03

Welcome back, tankie!!!

**tankie** · 23 Feb 12,, 10:32

Originally Posted by bigross86

Welcome back, tankie!!!

Hospital/ RnR PTSD gerrin worse , ploddin on , cheers Benny

**tankie** · 23 Feb 12,, 11:36

I noticed that "The Bodyguard" was on T.V tonight,

couldn't help thinking she'd have been better off with a Lifeguard.

**tankie** · 25 Feb 12,, 17:34

A guy went to the docs with green lumps on his nuts , the doc says , well its like this , ya can see a boxer with cauliflower ears cant ya , yea says the guy , and ? doc says , wellllllllll you have brothel sprouts

**kritiana08** · 27 Feb 12,, 09:59

Originally Posted by jame$thegreat

Unfortunatly I didn't get a picture of it but when i was in Pennsylvania i saw a sign for a miniature golf place that said:

"Buy one child, get one free round of golf!!"

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician were all in a hotel sleeping when a fire broke out in their respective rooms. The physicist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC, and began working out all sorts of fluid dynamics equations. After a couple minutes, he threw down his pencil, got a graduated cylinder out of his suitcase, and measured out a precise amount of water. He threw it on the fire, extinguishing it, with not a drop wasted, and went back to sleep.

**Blademaster** · 27 Feb 12,, 14:15

^^ What happened to the mathematician and engineer?

**Doktor** · 27 Feb 12,, 14:18

Originally Posted by Blademaster

^^ What happened to the mathematician and engineer?

...The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.

The mathematician woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, began working through theorems, lemmas, hypotheses , you-name-it, and after a few minutes, put down his pencil triumphantly and exclaimed, "I have *proven* that I *can* put the fire out!" He then went back to sleep.

**tankie** · 08 Mar 12,, 16:38

Today the internet has been flooded by people bringing attention to a terrible situation, but all this will do will inflate the already massive egos of these bloodthirsty warlords, and worsen the conditions for those who are already suffering!

if you ask me International Women's Day should be abolished!