Post Your jokes here

**YellowFever** · 02 Sep 11,, 01:14

Uh oh, Pari's online.

Leave me alone...I'm have to look busy.....

**bigross86** · 02 Sep 11,, 01:33

Originally Posted by YellowFever

Uh oh, Pari's online.

Leave me alone...I'm have to look busy.....

How about looking for some grammar lessons online?

**YellowFever** · 02 Sep 11,, 02:54

Uh, excuse the hell outta me!

You try to type in this @$&%$# android and it's constant spell-fixer upper thingie which always messes me up.

**bigross86** · 02 Sep 11,, 07:59

I've also got an android and I don't have such problems. Your pitiful attempts at excuses offend me

**Doktor** · 02 Sep 11,, 08:18

Android is Google-Jew conspiracy against Yello

**bigross86** · 02 Sep 11,, 13:51

That's right. Google was invented specifically to fcuk with Yellow's (tiny and insignificant) brain

**bonehead** · 06 Sep 11,, 01:14

Two Lawyers

Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food. Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming.
One day the lawyer that climbed the tree yelled down, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction."
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "You're hallucinating, you've finally lost your mind."
But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a stunningly beautiful woman, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much as a ring or earrings on her person.
The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing.
One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time....So ... do you think we should ...well ...... you know ...... screw her?"
"Out of WHAT?" screamed the other. "She hasn't got anything"

**tankie** · 06 Sep 11,, 12:51

/\ /\

A Texan & his Bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning.

'Congratulations!' says the clerk, Luckily all our suites are still available, Would you like the bridal ?.

'Naw thanks,' says the cowboy.

'I reckon I'll just hold her by her ears till she gets the hang of it'.

**tankie** · 07 Sep 11,, 19:08

I'm going to open a restaurant serving only roadkill.

It will be called "Wheels on Meals

**bigross86** · 08 Sep 11,, 08:34

Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on. All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies…

The first week after wasn’t too bad. The second week was getting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable…

So they buried her.

**bigross86** · 08 Sep 11,, 08:36

One day a pirate hobbles up to the bar with his peg-leg. Looking out his one
good eye, he points to a bottle of cheap rum with his hooked hand, and asks the
barman to pour a glass and leave the bottle.

“So tell me, how did you get that wooden leg,” says the barman.

“Aarh, t’was a tough stormy night, thrown o’er board when this great mother of
a shark come and bites it right orf,” states the pirate.

“And did he take your hand as well then,” asks the barman.

“Narh,” says the pirate. “Me hand was lost to that scurvy-laden brute what calls
hemself Blackbeard, in a fast paced dual of swords.”

“A’ha” exclaims the barman. “And without that hand you were unable to stop him from
taking your eye too?”

“I wish t’was so,” laments the pirate. “But that eye was lost to a seagull down in Gullydeep
‘arbour. Let drop and ‘e pooped right en me eye ‘e did.”

“And you lost an eye from that,” gasped the barman?

“No sonny,” grins the pirate. “T’was me first day with the ‘ook.”

**bigross86** · 08 Sep 11,, 08:39

Perry fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise
ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a
desert island with six women, he couldn't believe his good
fortune.

They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a
week with the only man.

Perry threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working
even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months,
he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more
and more eagerly.

One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for
some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a
man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves.
Perry swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little
jig of happiness. "You can't believe how happy I am to see
you," he cried.

The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, "You're a
sight for sore eyes, too, you gorgeous thing!"

"Shit," sighed Perry, "there go my Sundays."

**tankie** · 08 Sep 11,, 11:17

Yella was it

**tankie** · 08 Sep 11,, 11:36

My wife just got back from shopping at Sainsburys.

"Did you know that they've already started getting the Christmas stuff in?" she said "I'll tell you, it gets earlier an earlier every year."

"Really?" I replied, "I think you'll find that it's still on the 25th of December".

Daft cow