Post Your jokes here

[USSWisconsin]

Should be a joke ---

Gangs in Durban, South Africa, have recently begun stealing expensive anti-retroviral (ARV) drugs destined for AIDS patients and using them in the country's most popular street drug, "whoonga," a highly addictive, smoked cocktail of detergent, rat poison, marijuana and the ARVs. The crisis was reported by KwaZulu-Natal province drug-abuse organizations and Durban police, who stood by their claims despite attempts by South African president Jacob Zuma to assure international suppliers of ARVs that more were needed and that none were being diverted for whoonga. [FoxNews, 1-26-2011]

[Doktor]

Huh

[Doktor]

Bad day?

Try this:


Attach the missile balloons to your vehicle
Do a bit of speeding
Look at the faces in the vehicles near you
Tell the officer you thought they are real, someone was messing with you

[Julie]

A full herd of em

Well then, sticks & stones may break my bones but whips & chains excite me...so throw me down, tie me up, show me that you like me....

In my younger, and single days, that's what I used to tell men that flirted with me....and I would find out real quick which were the real men.

[tankie]

Well then, sticks & stones may break my bones but whips & chains excite me...so throw me down, tie me up, show me that you like me....

In my younger, and single days, that's what I used to tell men that flirted with me....and I would find out real quick which were the real men.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww crap ,,, yer attached ,,, never mind Julie ,,my chains r gold plated , just for the gals wot deserved em , woo hoo

[S2]

Warning: Scam Against Older Men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Mar. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also Apr. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

[Julie]

The guy is running a taxi-cab service and doesn't even know it.

[tankie]

Windshield bug


A man and a woman were driving down the road,
arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly
the woman reached over and sliced the man's penis off.
Angrily, she tossed it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old
daughter. The little girl was chatting away at her father when
all of a sudden the penis smacked their car windshield, stuck
for a moment, then flew off.
Surprised, the daughter asked her father, 'Daddy,
what the heck was that?'
Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl
to anything sexual at such a young age,
the father replied, 'It....it was only a bug, Honey.'

The daughter sat with a confused look on her face,
and after a moment said..




WOW 'Sure had a big d1ck, didn't it?'

[DOR]

I was talking with one of our new members earlier (I work for a chamber of commerce), and I asked him one of my favorite questions, which is this: What your biggest challenge, and what are you doing about it?

He said his main challenge was competition from other people selling the same products. It seems that he’d just opened a shop down in a busy retail area, and right away someone opened a shop next door selling the same products he had, with a huge sign outside that said “Best Deals.” To make matters worse, someone else opened a shop on the other side of his store, again, with the same products, but his sign said “Lowest Prices.”

Well, obviously he had a bit of a problem, so I asked him what he was going to do about it.

.

.

.

.

He said, “Oh, I just put up my own sign. It says, “Main Entrance.”

[Doktor]

[tankie]

Paddy's donkey











Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.



The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...



The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'



Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'



The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'



Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'



The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'



Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'



The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'



Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'



A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'



Paddy said, 'I raffled him off.



I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'



The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'



Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won.



So I gave him his two pounds back.'



Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland

[tankie]

Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

[DragoonGuard]

Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

LOL! - I can just hear Les Dawson telling a joke like that.

[DragoonGuard]

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.









So...They buried her.

[tankie]

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.









So...They buried her.

deffo a squadie joke