328Likes
LinkBack URL
About LinkBacks
Reply With QuoteLmao!!!!^^^^:roflmao::roflmao:
FEAR NAUGHT
Should raw analytical data ever be passed to policy makers?
Lmao!!!!^^^^:roflmao::roflmao:
Should raw analytical data ever be passed to policy makers?
:roflmao:Priceless:roflmao:Originally Posted by T_igger_cs_30
"If your plan is for one year, plant rice. If your plan is for ten years, plant trees.
If your plan is for one hundred years, educate children."
End of the world!
YouTube - The End of the World
top gear made their own VW adverts. the best one starts at around 4.20
If i only was so smart yesterday as my wife is today
Minding your own biz is great virtue, but situation awareness saves lives - Dok
there only supposed to blow the bloody doors off
"When England was a kingdom, we had a king.
When we were an empire, we had an emperor.
Now we're a country
PHONES IN CHURCH
A man in Topeka , Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes.
He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign, which read
"Calls: $10,000 a minute."
Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to
GOD.
The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle , Phoenix , Salt Lake City , Denver , Oklahoma City, and around the United States , he found more phones, with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor.
Finally, he arrived in Wisconsin . Upon entering a church in Menomonie and behold - he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 35 cents."
Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to
Heaven and that I could talk to GOD, but in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads only 35 cents a call. Why?"
The pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in Wisconsin now... You're in God's Country. It's a local call.....
If your plan is for one hundred years, educate children."
Heard that one with different cities as the punchline (Jerusalem, Vatican) and different religions, as well
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Abusing Yellow is meant to be a labor of love, not something you sell to the highest bidder.
A plane is on its way to toronto , when a blond in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blond that she paid for economy
class, and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blond replies, "i'm blond, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
he goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, i'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"i told her, "first class isn't going to toronto
"When England was a kingdom, we had a king.
When we were an empire, we had an emperor.
Now we're a country
groan.....Puns for Educated Minds
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road . . . and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts;
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten DID
If your plan is for one hundred years, educate children."
Brilliant!!!
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Abusing Yellow is meant to be a labor of love, not something you sell to the highest bidder.
Most certainly - works equally well with any religion and location - I liked this version because it mentioned Wisconsin - We had a beer called "Heileman's Old Style" that was brewed in LaCrosse - it claimed it was brewed in "God's Country" - it was one of my favorites when I was young.
If your plan is for one hundred years, educate children."
Hey! Speaking of some "up north" brew, I found Little Kings at a store down here the other day. I bought them but they didn't taste like we had back in the eighties. Didn't they used to be more than 5.5% alc?
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster then a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. By now the woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb...
Reddite igitur quae sunt Caesaris Caesari et quae sunt Dei Deo
(Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's and unto God the things which are God's)
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Share this thread with friends: