Post Your jokes here

[braindead]

Never forget your equipment . Or face the consecuences , like 1000-word essay . http://www.jplt.com/~dave/ponchoman.pdf

[tankie]

Jesus was at a stoning one day , and he placed his hands in the air and commanded CEASE CEASE let they without sin ,cast the first stone , all of a sudden a rock bounced of his face and busted his nose ,snot n blood everywhere , beard all scraggly ,,,

and he looked up and turned and said .

Do you know something Mother ? sometimes you really piss me off

[sappersgt]

Originally Posted by braindead

Never forget your equipment . Or face the consecuences , like 1000-word essay . http://www.jplt.com/~dave/ponchoman.pdf

I'm still laughing!

[GAU-8]

Biker Bar Blondes

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some
coffee.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, I think it is only fair --
given that you are blind --that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,"No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"

[glyn]

Exotic puns... some better than others
1. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

2. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 Dinars for it." "But I paid a million Dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

4. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

5. Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"

6. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

7. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

8. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

9. There were three Indian women. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

10. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal Shaman who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

[dave lukins]

Brilliant, Glyn..8 and 9 are really really good..very clever and well thought out

[Shamus]

I like number 6 myself .

[glyn]

Dave and Shameless, you are aware that I did not create these puns? Foolish boys, go to the bottom of the class

[Shamus]

Originally Posted by glyn

Dave and Shameless, you are aware that I did not create these puns? Foolish boys, go to the bottom of the class

All I said was I like number 6.I protest strongly against this injustice.Nowhere in my post is a reference to you as having been the author,that was Dave's assumtion .

[Southie]

Originally Posted by Shameless

All I said was I like number 6.I protest strongly against this injustice.Nowhere in my post is a reference to you as having been the author,that was Dave's assumtion .

Eager to point fingers I see!

[Shamus]

Originally Posted by Southie

Eager to point fingers I see!

As long as I remember which one not to point at Dave .

[RustyBattleship]

To add to Glyn's research:

A Whale and a Flounder were best of friends and everywhere one went, so did the other. One day another fish saw the Flounder alone. He asked, "Where's your friend the Whale?" The Flounder answered, "He's gone down to the deep trench to hunt for squid." The fish asked, "But you two are always together. Why aren't you with him now?" The Flounder answered, "I'm not my Blubber's Kipper".

[dave lukins]

Originally Posted by glyn

Dave and Shameless, you are aware that I did not create these puns? Foolish boys, go to the bottom of the class

Glyn, as Shamless was already at the bottom of the class. . I will take part blame, and duly join him!!

[Shamus]

Originally Posted by RustyBattleship

To add to Glyn's research:

A Whale and a Flounder were best of friends and everywhere one went, so did the other. One day another fish saw the Flounder alone. He asked, "Where's your friend the Whale?" The Flounder answered, "He's gone down to the deep trench to hunt for squid." The fish asked, "But you two are always together. Why aren't you with him now?" The Flounder answered, "I'm not my Blubber's Kipper".

[taygone]

Monica Lewinsky went to a dry cleaners. She gives the little old man three shirts a pair of slacks and is holding on to a sexy looking dress. Monica tells the old man "I want heavy starch on the slacks and light on the shirts." The old man asks her to repeat herself and she does. Monica holds out the dress and says. "I just bought this dress and a got a stain on it. Can you you be gentle when you clean it up?" The old man looks at her and says. "Come again?"
"No, ketchup this time."