Post Your jokes here

**tankie** · 17 Dec 10,, 16:30

A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind
of man she would like to marry.
"I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the
eldest daughter.
He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry.
"I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the
second daughter.
He finally asked his youngest daughter whom she would like to marry.
"I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the
youngest daughter.

**Durian10** · 17 Dec 10,, 19:03

LOL- but so true in some countries

**tankie** · 20 Dec 10,, 13:20

Why English Officers wore red coats

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French general began to question him. Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day to this, all French Army officers wear brown pants.

**tankie** · 20 Dec 10,, 13:30

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence,

'Get well soon .

from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.

**Blue** · 21 Dec 10,, 04:20

Originally Posted by tankie

One for 7th

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.

"Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.

Yes. says Yammy 1200 V4 owner .

Homer is a fat yellow lazy bloke and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair

Just tonight, whilst reviewing the tanksters solid Brit humour(with the wifey by my side) I am running backwards through the posts I've missed and what do I find?

And remind you, I'm a fat WHITE lazy bloke!!!

**tankie** · 21 Dec 10,, 04:36

Originally Posted by 7thsfsniper

Just tonight, whilst reviewing the tanksters solid Brit humour(with the wifey by my side) I am running backwards through the posts I've missed and what do I find?

And remind you, I'm a fat WHITE lazy bloke!!!

thought you'd never find it

**Blue** · 21 Dec 10,, 06:07

Originally Posted by tankie

thought you'd never find it

Would've been funnier had I owned a BSA or Harley!!!

**visioninthedark** · 22 Dec 10,, 11:57

Originally Posted by sappersgt

Go to Google maps. Get directions. Enter Japan as starting place. Enter China as destiination. Go to direction #43. Laugh like hell.

Do the same as above ..... but instead put Japan as starting place and USA as destination. Go and read direction #27 and #38. Hilarious

**USSWisconsin** · 22 Dec 10,, 13:51

US to Japan
31. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean
Entering Hawaii
2,756 mi
46. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean
Entering Japan
3,879 mi

Kayaking is strenuous - need to stop in Hawaii and rest

Japan to China
41. Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean
Shorter drive - no layover

not all destinations have directions
We could not calculate directions between Norway and South Pole, Antarctica.

**USSWisconsin** · 22 Dec 10,, 14:04

"Hi. This is Sarah Palin. Is Senator Lieberman in?"
"No, governor. This is Yom Kippur."

"Well, hello, Yom. Can I leave a message?"

**visioninthedark** · 22 Dec 10,, 15:23

USSWisconsin .... funny ..... the direction numbers when I google search for these direction are different .... LOL

**sappersgt** · 23 Dec 10,, 01:54

Because you can never be sure when zombies might attack...

ZombieWarning.com - Free Zombie Attack Warning Service

**USSWisconsin** · 05 Jan 11,, 18:07

^Great story Sappersgt

another story

A definition of globalisation that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

Question:
What is the truest definition of globalisation?

Answer:
Princess
Diana's
Death.

Question:
How come?

Answer :

An English princess
With an
Egyptian boyfriend

Crashes
In a French tunnel,
Riding in a

German
Car

With a
Dutch engine,

Driven
By a Belgian

Who was drunk

On Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you
Change the spelling),

Followed
Closely by

Italian
Paparazzi,

On
Japanese motorcycles,

Treated
By an American doctor,
Using

Brazilian
Medicines.

This is
Sent to you by

A
South African
Using

American
Bill Gates' technology,

And
You're probably reading
This on your computer,

That uses

Taiwanese chips,
And a

Korean
Monitor,

Assembled
By

Bangladeshi
Workers

In a
Singapore plant,

Transported
By Indian
Truck drivers,

Hijacked
By a Zulu,

Unloaded by a
Muslim

And
Trucked to you by Zimbabwe illegals.....

That, my friends,
Is Globalisation!

**Blue** · 06 Jan 11,, 00:00

Public Safety Warning
Subject: Please Take Care This Christmas

Please, take care of yourself this Christmas...A recent joint
study conducted by the Department of Health and the
Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic
accidents are alcohol related...This means that the remaining
77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated
drinks, juices, milk, water, and shit like that...Therefore, beware
of those who do not drink alcohol, they cause three times as
many accidents . . .