I don't know if you guys have seen this website or not but I figured I'd post it anyway. Apparently it's about some Specialist in the US Army nicknamed "Skippy" and all the things he is not allowed to do anymore. It looks like it's from a couple of years ago. I've listed some of my favorites.
My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.
Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'
Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'.
The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
I may not call block my chain of command.
If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
Nerve gas is not funny.
The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.'
‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander
'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide
Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
Must not make s'mores while on guard duty
Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.
On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.
Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
The complete list can be found at The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the US Army
OK, I'll admit, all 213 of them are my favorites and I know I posted too many here. Sue me :dbanana
My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.
Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'
Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'.
The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
I may not call block my chain of command.
If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
Nerve gas is not funny.
The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.'
‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander
'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide
Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
Must not make s'mores while on guard duty
Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.
On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.
Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
The complete list can be found at The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the US Army
OK, I'll admit, all 213 of them are my favorites and I know I posted too many here. Sue me :dbanana
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