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Thread: Post Your jokes here

  1. #4516
    Turbanator Senior Contributor Double Edge's Avatar
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    Name:  batman virus.jpg
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  2. #4517
    Senior Contributor Oracle's Avatar
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    ^ Lol. Good one.
    Politicians are elected to serve...far too many don't see it that way - Albany Rifles! || Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it - Mark Twain! || I am a far left millennial!

  3. #4518
    Senior Contributor DOR's Avatar
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    Pro Tip:
    If you keep a beer in each hand, you're far less likely to touch your face.
    Trust me?
    I'm an economist!

  4. #4519
    Senior Contributor DOR's Avatar
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    Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Bing Crosby.

    Among the first victims of the crooners’ virus.
    RIP.
    Trust me?
    I'm an economist!

  5. #4520
    Senior Contributor HKDan's Avatar
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  6. #4521
    Senior Contributor DOR's Avatar
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    2020: Basic hygiene
    2021: Turn signalling
    Trust me?
    I'm an economist!

  7. #4522
    Senior Contributor DOR's Avatar
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    Everyone was so quiet in the medicine factory you could hear a cough drop.
    Trust me?
    I'm an economist!

  8. #4523
    Turbanator Senior Contributor Double Edge's Avatar
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    Nicola sturgeon parody



    An earlier version



    Spoiler!


    Spoiler!
    Last edited by Double Edge; 10 Apr 20, at 18:03.

  9. #4524
    Turbanator Senior Contributor Double Edge's Avatar
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    Quality time with the family


  10. #4525
    Turbanator Senior Contributor Double Edge's Avatar
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    Name:  only way.jpg
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    Last edited by Double Edge; 12 Apr 20, at 19:27.

  11. #4526
    Turbanator Senior Contributor Double Edge's Avatar
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    Business Idea


  12. #4527
    Senior Contributor DOR's Avatar
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    COVID 19 Lockdown


    It’s the kind of person you meet who’s always standing much too close
    Center of a crowd, coughing too loud, with a running nose.

    Well, it seems to me that you should have heard we don’t do that no more
    And though you've tried you just can't hide your infectious roar.

    You better stop being around.

    Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
    Here comes our COVID-19 lockdown.

    When you were a child you were vaccinated
    But you don’t think that was right.
    No mumps or measles got to you but still you cried all night.

    Your mother who protected you is owed a million thanks
    And your father's still expecting you to pull some hare-brained pranks.

    You better stop being around.
    Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
    Here comes our COVID-19 lockdown

    Oh, Don's to blame, that boy’s just insane
    Everything he do don't seem to work
    It only seems to make matters worse, oh please.

    You’re such a tool to believe that fool who really trolls your kind
    Kellyanne Conway turned your back on the scientific mind.

    Dr Fauci tried so hard to rationalize your mind
    But after a while I realized you’re the disparaging kind

    You better stop being around.
    Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
    Here comes our COVID-19 lockdown

    You better stop being around.
    Here it comes
    Here comes our COVID-19 lockdown
    Here comes our COVID-19 lockdown
    Here comes our COVID-19 lockdown
    Here comes our COVID-19 lockdown
    Here comes our COVID-19 lockdown
    Here comes our COVID-19 lockdown


    With apologies to Keith Richards and Mick Jagger
    Trust me?
    I'm an economist!

  13. #4528
    Senior Contributor DOR's Avatar
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    Never Squat on Your Spurs

    Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the greatest sages, political, homey, and country/cowboys that America has ever known.

    Some of his sayings:

    1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

    2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

    3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

    4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

    5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

    6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

    7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

    8. There are three kinds of men:
    The ones that learn by reading.
    The few who learn by observation.
    The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

    9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

    10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

    11. Lettin' the cat outta’ the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

    12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

    The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

    ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

    First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

    Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

    Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

    Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

    Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

    Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

    Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.

    Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

    Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

    Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

    And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
    Trust me?
    I'm an economist!

  14. #4529
    Turbanator Senior Contributor Double Edge's Avatar
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    ^
    7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
    Love this one : D

  15. #4530
    Senior Contributor Oracle's Avatar
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    Politicians are elected to serve...far too many don't see it that way - Albany Rifles! || Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it - Mark Twain! || I am a far left millennial!

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