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Thread: Post Your jokes here

  1. #4141
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Absolutely devastated.
    A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  2. #4142
    Senior Contributor Toby's Avatar
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    Had to put this in the joke section, sorry!

    Trump bombs Iraq or was it Syria.... While eating beautiful piece of chocolate cake with Chinese premier


  3. #4143
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Paddy is sat on a bus next to a gorgeous bird breast feeding her baby. The baby wont take it so she says " Come on, eat it all up or i'll give it to this nice man ". Ten mins later, baby's still not feeding so she says again " Eat it all up or i'll give it to this nice man" Paddy replies "listen love.. can u make your bloody mind up, i should've got off 4 stops ago" !!!


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  4. #4144
    Senior Contributor Toby's Avatar
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  5. #4145
    Senior Contributor Doktor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toby View Post
    Had to put this in the joke section, sorry!

    Trump bombs Iraq or was it Syria.... While eating beautiful piece of chocolate cake with Chinese premier

    Mesopotamia
    No such thing as a good tax - Churchill

    To make mistakes is human. To blame someone else for your mistake, is strategic.

  6. #4146
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Why should you never wear Ukrainian underpants?

    Because Chernobyl fall out.


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  7. #4147
    Senior Contributor tim52's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tankie View Post
    Absolutely devastated.
    A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
    You are a very sick puppy.
    Buy the ticket, take the ride.

  8. #4148
    Senior Contributor tim52's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toby View Post
    Her lies were better you mean...as in clearly they were because you believed them..lol
    That's correct! A good life should be believable and a thing of beauty to behold not something stupid like I'm going to build a wall and Mexico will pay for it or I'm going to get rid of Obamacare with something that is better and less expensive. Sorry but those are just stupid lies anybody with half a brain recognizes for what they are.
    Buy the ticket, take the ride.

  9. #4149
    Senior Contributor DOR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tim52 View Post
    That's correct! A good life should be believable and a thing of beauty to behold not something stupid like I'm going to build a wall and Mexico will pay for it or I'm going to get rid of Obamacare with something that is better and less expensive. Sorry but those are just stupid lies anybody with half a brain recognizes for what they are.
    You may be overestimating the intelligence of the average American voter ...

  10. #4150
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tim52 View Post
    You are a very sick puppy.
    Thats a bit ruff


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  11. #4151
    Senior Contributor Toby's Avatar
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    A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.

    I got a letter from Screwfix Direct thanking me for my interest but explaining they were not a dating agency.

    Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary).
    Last edited by Toby; 01 May 17, at 21:25.

  12. #4152
    Senior Contributor Toby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tim52 View Post
    That's correct! A good life should be believable and a thing of beauty to behold not something stupid like I'm going to build a wall and Mexico will pay for it or I'm going to get rid of Obamacare with something that is better and less expensive. Sorry but those are just stupid lies anybody with half a brain recognizes for what they are.
    Its called a demonstration vote brought on by decades of listening to and experiencing liberal politicians say one thing and do another, its as regressive as the liberal contamination of the English language. Trump is not a POLITICIAN and was more than willing to say everything that any politician would never say, that's how he became president. Frightening isn't it? But you know for every action theres a reaction, You reap what you sow!

  13. #4153
    Senior Contributor Toby's Avatar
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    Last edited by Toby; 07 May 17, at 22:56.

  14. #4154
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead.Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.'He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it.'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that...So what's the other possible good news?'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again..


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  15. #4155
    Senior Contributor Toby's Avatar
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    Good one!

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