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Thread: Post Your jokes here

  1. #4126
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    A Mullah was trying to convince a Catholic priest that Islam was best. "When we die we get seventy two virgins in heaven. , ppppppppffffffffffffftttt " I've already shagged seventy two virgins." Said the priest


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  2. #4127
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

    "I am entering" said Snow White.

    After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?" "First Place," said Snow White.

    They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

    "I'm entering," says Superman.

    After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" "First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

    They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

    Pinocchio says, "This is mine."

    Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked. He replies, "Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  3. #4128
    Senior Contributor tim52's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tankie View Post
    Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

    "I am entering" said Snow White.

    After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?" "First Place," said Snow White.

    They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

    "I'm entering," says Superman.

    After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" "First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

    They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

    Pinocchio says, "This is mine."

    Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked. He replies, "Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?
    I'm afraid Donald would beat her hands down.
    Buy the ticket, take the ride.

  4. #4129
    Senior Contributor Toby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tim52 View Post
    I'm afraid Donald would beat her hands down.
    Her lies were better you mean...as in clearly they were because you believed them..lol
    Last edited by Toby; 06 Mar 17, at 00:12.

  5. #4130
    Senior Contributor DOR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tankie View Post
    "Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?
    And here you have the end result of a 25 year campaign of innuendoes, fake news and The Great Lie.

  6. #4131
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DOR View Post
    And here you have the end result of a 25 year campaign of innuendoes, fake news and The Great Lie.
    I dont think we need a joke thread now mods FFS .


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  7. #4132
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Woman calls her Mother-in-law....
    "Could you tell me who changes the child if it poops itself? Is it the dad or mom?"
    "It is always the mother, honey."
    "Ok then, could you come over please? Your son got drunk and shit himself."


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  8. #4133
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Name:  17156019_1336551396404366_1535355538126746071_n.jpg
Views: 143
Size:  41.6 KB


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  9. #4134
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Put on my facebook that I'm spending the weekend clubbing, it got loads of likes....


    Lets see how the seal lovers amongst them feel when I post the pictures.


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  10. #4135
    Senior Contributor Toby's Avatar
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  11. #4136
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Not many people know this..I didn't but Noah also built a huge ship to carry the freshwater fish. It was called the multi-storey Carp Ark.


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  12. #4137
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    To the admins...
    Can you please try to have a little more control over who you let in. There is a new member. An older woman, she has been privately proposition men. She sends naked pictures of herself in grotesque poses along with close ups of her genitals. She is offering an iPhone 7 in exchange for sexual favors.
    I am especially upset at this last part because, as it turns out the phone wasn't even an iPhone 7. It was a 6!!!
    And it obviously has a virus because it's ridiculously slow and on top of that, the power button sticks! Please take care of this problem! Thank you!!


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  13. #4138
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.:
    When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you?” demanded Brian,“and what are you doing in my bedroom?”. The mysterious Man answered, “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St Peter”. Brian was stunned : “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away” : St Peter replied, “Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen. ”Brian was devasted, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house,
    he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
    ”This isn’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
    The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?” It’s not so bad, replies Brian, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.
    You’re ovulating,” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before.” Never,” replies Brian. “Well just relax and let it happen.” And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first
    time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him… ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting,
    “Brian, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting in the bed.”


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  14. #4139
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said... Can you describe the Symptoms? I said.. Homers a fat twat and Marge has blue hair


    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

  15. #4140
    tankie Military Professional tankie's Avatar
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    Name:  fileyKi9yD_0.png
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    Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being REAL gets you hated.

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