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  • Originally posted by Officer of Engineers View Post
    It's right beside the Divorce Court.
    Ouch .

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    • A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian named "Little Feather" came along on horseback and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse, and they rode off.
      The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes Little Feather would let out a "Yeeee-haaaa!" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Yeeee-haaaa!" and rode off.
      "What on earth did you say to Little Feather to get him so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.
      "Nothing," the woman answered. "I just sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
      The attendant laughed and shook his head. "Lady," he said, "Little Feather doesn't use a saddle!"

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      • From Health Canada
        Attached Files
        Chimo

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        • ^^^^^Very Much Like!!!
          “Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”
          Mark Twain

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          • Click image for larger version

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            Buy the ticket, take the ride.

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            • I still don't see the ape.
              Attached Files
              Chimo

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              • Originally posted by Officer of Engineers View Post
                I still don't see the ape.
                I don't see any ape but I count 2 King Kongs!
                Buy the ticket, take the ride.

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                • A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price. She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, ''Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize.'' As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word ''Tampax'' for ''Thumbtacks.'' In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, ''Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?''

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                  • This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Beer" cheap at the local Off Licence.
                    I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home.
                    I stopped at a service station where a nice looking bird in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump. She glanced at the two boxes of beer in the car, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a alluring voice, "I'm a big believer in the barter system, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for some Beer ?" I thought for a few seconds and asked,

                    "What kind of Beer 'ya got?"

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                    • A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
                      His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
                      It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
                      When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing
                      $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
                      The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
                      The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
                      Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
                      The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know
                      what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol,
                      puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
                      The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
                      Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown
                      briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
                      The Godfather asks the lawyer,
                      "What did he say?"
                      The lawyer replies,
                      "He says f.... you, you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
                      Don't you just love lawyers?

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                      • A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on
                        the porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and
                        smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch and into the
                        bushes. He crawls back up and asks, "What was that for?"
                        She says, "For having a little pecker."
                        He sits there quietly a moment, then smacks her, sending her off
                        the other side of the porch and into the bushes. She crawls back
                        and says, "What was that for?"
                        He says, "For knowing there was more than one size."

                        Comment


                        • Pharmacist Is Shocked When These Two Kids Wanted To Buy Tampons. But Their Response Is Gold.


                          Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

                          The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

                          "Eight", the boy replied.

                          The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"


                          The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

                          "Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

                          "Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

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                          • These Olympics are sorely disappointing. I stayed up late last night in anticipation to watch something called "The Women's Snatch" It was bloody weightlifting & they all looked like men...

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                            • Paddy is booking into a guest house and looking around the reception when he notices a sign on the wall.
                              He asks the owner, "What time do you get in?"
                              The owner looks confused and says, "Well, I'm the owner, I live here. Why do you ask?"
                              Paddy says, "Well, on that sign there it says, 'Guests have to be in before you!' "
                              The owner replies, "No, you thick shit! It says,

                              'Guests must be in before 1 am.

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                              • ·
                                I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
                                My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what"?. At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
                                Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
                                Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
                                On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
                                I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap

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