EURO LANGUAGE NEWS
The European Commission has just announced that English will be the official
language of the European Union. German, which was the other possibility, narrowly missed out.
During negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would
become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly this will make
sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of "k".
This should klear
up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the
silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer pepl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z"
and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou"
and after zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und after zis fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German; lik zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
The European Commission has just announced that English will be the official
language of the European Union. German, which was the other possibility, narrowly missed out.
During negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would
become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly this will make
sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of "k".
This should klear
up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the
silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer pepl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z"
and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou"
and after zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und after zis fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German; lik zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
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