Page 35 of 41 FirstFirst ... 26272829303132333435363738394041 LastLast
Results 511 to 525 of 612

Thread: Stories!

  1. #511
    Military Professional Prof's Avatar
    Join Date
    25 Oct 09
    Location
    Birmingham, AL
    Posts
    847
    Quote Originally Posted by zraver View Post
    prof, great sotry. I don't know how it is in the navy, but Army CoC ceremonies are long drawn out affairs. The worst are divsional change of command. Me, I am a tanker with a side line as mechanic I am not and never have been infantry. Yet for the CoC I had to get all spified up carry a rfifle and actaully affix an unsheathed bayonet to it.

    Now, the idea of packing a bunch of guys in close order, putitgn them at attnetion and then leaving them there (or at parade rest) in the texas heat of Ft. Hood seems to be a numbers game. Some one with rifle+bayonet is going to lock thier knees and pass out. Luckily it wasn't me, and maybe nobody did.

    However I missed the oh so riveting speeches becuase all I could do was wonder if it was going to be me (not falling I know better than to look my knees) but me who was going to be fallen into.

    After divsion change of commands, company and battalion suck the most. Sinc ethe commander owns every piece of kit and has to sign for it everything has to be laid out on the gorund and physically counted. Its time consuming, and if you lsot something expensive if they can't find a way to write it off. However of the 2 MOS's I'd rahter do it as a tanker than a hull systems mechanic where every wrench, socket and other tool has to be physically counted.
    Raver:

    Thanks:

    It's funny. The most symbolicly (& actually) important position to hold in the Navy is that of commanding officer of a ship at the actual rank of Captain. It holds an even more traditional importance than its nearest equivalent in the Army or Marines, which is Colonel in command of a regiment, with all the history that implies. This is probably because of the tremendous amount of independence sea captains had in the sailing days because of the inability to communicate with superiors. Couldn't just whistle for a galloper to take a message back to Portsmouth if you were in the Pacific. So it's odd that CoC ceremonies are so brief. At least were brief for "little" ships like the Pepsi. Maybe it would be different on board the Ronald Reagan. \

    What it amounted to for us was crew assembly, "Permission to come aboard", a simple reading of the transfer order, acceptance, salutes, some boatswain's pipes & "Permission to go ashore" on the part of the ex. Not even any speeches. But the powers that be do expect everyone to be natty, so I didn't want to let Willie J. down in front of a new Captain. 'Course, I didn't mind squirting lemon juice in his eye once it was over.

    Prof

  2. #512
    Resident Curmudgeon Military Professional Gun Grape's Avatar
    Join Date
    12 Mar 05
    Location
    Panama City Fl
    Posts
    8,448
    Quote Originally Posted by Prof View Post
    Pepsi (USS Pensacola, LSD-38) again:


    It knocked all sorts of shit off the chart desk (including a framed picture of Mary that @#$%& broke), off the chairs with stuff on them, knocked down our reference library & just about knocked us out of our racks. Sounded like a big bell, & reverberated just about the same way.
    Damn corpsmen, secure your gear before the ship cast off. Don't leave gear adrift



    I loved the Navy but I wasn't exactly, uh, "squared away." I have a physical handicap. I can't see wrinkles. Not only that, but I can't see them coming. I can't get my head around their importance. This is well known to Mary, &, fortunately, discounted. This was also well known aboard. Especially by Willie J. I can do immaculate sutures. I can even shine shoes pretty well. But I fold cloth like old people fvck.

    Just before the ceremony I noticed the stapler on the chart desk. Eureka!

    So I turned the things inside out, as I had done many times before while trying to press them conventionally, & stapled the crease in. Worked great.


    Prof
    Doc your friggin killing me. Rolling on the deck with coffee shooting out the nose. Great story

  3. #513
    Military Professional Prof's Avatar
    Join Date
    25 Oct 09
    Location
    Birmingham, AL
    Posts
    847
    Quote Originally Posted by Gun Grape View Post
    Damn corpsmen, secure your gear before the ship cast off. Don't leave gear adrift





    Doc your friggin killing me. Rolling on the deck with coffee shooting out the nose. Great story
    Grape:

    How dare you sir? We were secured against pitch & yaw (Pepsi was a flat-bottom, after all), not against running over a !@#$% netline/processor nearly half our size. Goddam roadstead hogs.

    & thanks. Didn't think the wreck was funny (although it got us a week's unanticipated leave during the downtime, & a real Captain on a real ship, to boot), but you can bet your ass that I appreciated the opportunity those stapled creases gave me.

    I mean, it worked & all, but even if it hadn't worked quite so well & even if he had slain me afterward it would have been worth doing it just to see the look on his face. I can still laugh out loud when I remember that ~5'9" hugely muscular black guy sticking his lower lip out past his Van Dyke, trying to look fierce & exasperated while simultaneously trying not to laugh. & then limiting his comment to, "Fvckin' Cooper.") That was one amazing group of people.

    Prof

  4. #514
    Military Professional Prof's Avatar
    Join Date
    25 Oct 09
    Location
    Birmingham, AL
    Posts
    847
    Another Pepsi story, some of it told by Mary:

    This is actually more of a verbal photograph or, better, a video. I wish that I had been in the position to make one. Unfortunately, I was aboard & the perspective is from the dock as we were coming in from our last Med cruise. Mary had come up from B'ham to greet me. It's important to know that our Engineer was Chief Warrant Officer Ted McDermott, who was a) a naturalized US citizen, b) a Scot, c) a piper & d) a standard feature enlivening our departures & arrivals.

    It would probably also help to understand that Mary is a Scots heritage fiend, hence her possession of the dirk & basket-hilt claymore, but had no knowledge of McDermott's customary antics.

    Mary: "My plane was late so I only got three hours of sleep before I had to get a cab. The Navy people didn't know exactly when you would get in since it was just supposed to be early. I went straight to G but had to wait forever. It was definitely worth it. There was such dense fog I couldn't see anything. There were many people waiting for the Pensacola. Some people started cheering, but I still couldn't see anything. I could hear a sort of hum, though, & your horn. Then I heard bagpipes playing something slow, like a pibroch. It kept getting louder & louder but I still couldn't see anything. It made the hair on my arms stand up. Then in just a second I could see the ship just barely in the fog coming up to the pier. I never realized it was so big. The bagpiper had on kilts with his uniform! He was up on the bridge all by himself. Some guys were getting off with some ropes, so I asked about you. They all made a big deal about it, & right away knew me as "Doc's wife!" I mean to tell you, Sweetie, I was proud."

    It (a letter written after she had gone back) went on a little, but that's about it. I do wish I'd gotten a video of that. I'm proud, too.

    Doc

  5. #515
    Global Moderator
    Comrade Commissar
    TopHatter's Avatar
    Join Date
    03 Sep 03
    Posts
    15,914
    Quote Originally Posted by Prof View Post
    Another Pepsi story, some of it told by Mary:
    Great stuff Prof, thanks! )
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, than to take rank with those poor, timid spirits who know neither victory nor defeat ~ Theodore Roosevelt

  6. #516
    Military Professional Prof's Avatar
    Join Date
    25 Oct 09
    Location
    Birmingham, AL
    Posts
    847
    TopHatter, usv:

    Thank you very much. Truly. That last I had to go up into the attic to complete, & I'm damned glad I did. Now, as has been my seemingly endless habit, get your (personal, TH) ass in gear. I know that you guys have millions of incredible tales to tell, & if you think that they're humdrum or pale; not worth telling, I'm telling you idiots that you're wrong. Drop your c*cks & grab your socks! Campfire's awaitin'.

    Prof

  7. #517
    Global Moderator
    Comrade Commissar
    TopHatter's Avatar
    Join Date
    03 Sep 03
    Posts
    15,914
    Quote Originally Posted by Prof View Post
    TopHatter, usv:

    Thank you very much. Truly. That last I had to go up into the attic to complete, & I'm damned glad I did. Now, as has been my seemingly endless habit, get your (personal, TH) ass in gear. I know that you guys have millions of incredible tales to tell, & if you think that they're humdrum or pale; not worth telling, I'm telling you idiots that you're wrong. Drop your c*cks & grab your socks! Campfire's awaitin'.

    Prof
    I have no stories of my own to tell, being a whimpering simpering civilian

    Keep yours coming though, Navy stories are always fun to read )
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, than to take rank with those poor, timid spirits who know neither victory nor defeat ~ Theodore Roosevelt

  8. #518
    Military Professional Prof's Avatar
    Join Date
    25 Oct 09
    Location
    Birmingham, AL
    Posts
    847
    Quote Originally Posted by TopHatter View Post
    I have no stories of my own to tell, being a whimpering simpering civilian

    Keep yours coming though, Navy stories are always fun to read )
    TopHatter:

    Ah wuz afeered yood saiy sumpin' lahk theayt, so ah purpayured mahseyulf. To wit:

    Many (not the majority, of course, given the nature of this outfit), but many of the tales in this unequaled thread are strictly civvy. I didn't start having fun when I entered the service, nor did I stop when I left. I had my observation gland working the entire time, & I have a couple of stories that predate the NAV already in here. NO EXCUSE, TROOP!!

    The Human Comedy is, well, a comedy.

    Prof

  9. #519
    Officer of Engineers
    Guest
    Heard this one about the Goo Goo Foo Goos, aka the GGFG (Governor General's Foot Guards). The Ottawa Brigade called them up and declare that "This is an Exercise, Exercise, Exercise. You have a bomb threat ..." and before the Sgt could finished, the guy on the other end said, "yeah, right, play your joke somewhere else. I've got inventory to finish."

    Well, half an hour later, the Sgt called up the GGFG's RSM.

    "RSM, could you take a look outside your window?"

    "I see a black box. What is it?"

    "That is your failed ex, RSM."

    "Why the hell weren't we informed?"

    "You were. I called in the Ex 30 minutes ago."

    "Excuse me."

    The screaming over the phone forced the Sgt to pull the earpiece away from his ear. For the next 15 minutes, all Brigade heard was the RSM tearing a new butt hole into his staff.

    Then, the Sgt heard the RSM picked up the phone. "Thank you very much. I'll take care of this."

    The Sgt asked the Brigade Colonel should he inform the Goo Goo Foo Goo's CO? The Brigade Colonel replied that if he was smart, he wouldn't go back there for another 2 hours.

  10. #520
    Staff Emeritus
    Military Professional
    Mostly Harmless
    bigross86's Avatar
    Join Date
    07 Aug 03
    Location
    Tel Aviv, Israel
    Posts
    14,070
    Here's a quickie for ya:

    I spent over a year in various places in New Zealand and Australia selling cosmetics. For anyone who's ever been to New Zealand and has seen the Maori, you know that some of them can be quite large. One of my favorite customers though, was about 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide. Shoulder length hair, trimmed beard and mustache, looked very nice. She bought about $400 worth...

    I wish I was kidding.
    Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

    Abusing Yellow is meant to be a labor of love, not something you sell to the highest bidder.

  11. #521
    Officer of Engineers
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by bigross86 View Post
    I wish I was kidding.
    I wish you didn't put that picture in my head.

  12. #522
    Staff Emeritus
    Military Professional
    Mostly Harmless
    bigross86's Avatar
    Join Date
    07 Aug 03
    Location
    Tel Aviv, Israel
    Posts
    14,070
    On the same topic, I had a worker who managed to get himself booted out of three different malls in Australia. The first time (and the only one that's moderately amusing) happened when he offered a middle-aged lady some hand cream. She took some, rubbed it in, and commented "That goes in really smooth". Without missing a beat my worker replied in his most debonair, posh British accent "So do I, my dear, so do I."

    She wrote a 7 page letter to Mall Management about one sentence. Not bad...
    Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

    Abusing Yellow is meant to be a labor of love, not something you sell to the highest bidder.

  13. #523
    Dirty Kiwi Senior Contributor
    Join Date
    10 Nov 04
    Location
    Wellington, Te Ika a Maui, Aotearoa
    Posts
    19,746
    Quote Originally Posted by Officer of Engineers View Post
    I wish you didn't put that picture in my head.
    Wimp. It's when they decide that they fancy you that the real problems arise

  14. #524
    Global Moderator
    Comrade Commissar
    TopHatter's Avatar
    Join Date
    03 Sep 03
    Posts
    15,914
    Quote Originally Posted by Officer of Engineers View Post
    I wish you didn't put that picture in my head.
    Speaking of which, can you send me that picture of She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, where she's up on stage and holding her hand like a telephone?

    I find it oddly fascinating, in a train-wreck sort of way.
    Far better it is to dare mighty things, than to take rank with those poor, timid spirits who know neither victory nor defeat ~ Theodore Roosevelt

  15. #525
    Administrator
    Lei Feng Protege
    Defense Professional
    Join Date
    23 Aug 05
    Location
    Arlington, VA
    Posts
    13,037
    now HERE'S a man-- someone whom actually WANTS a pic of She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

    that's either incredible courage or insanity.
    There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "My ignorance is just as good as your knowledge."- Isaac Asimov

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. @ I don't think US should be the leader of the world..
    By MIKEMUN in forum American Politics & Economy
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 08 Dec 09,, 19:31
  2. Lies about the USSR
    By agent09 in forum Europe and Russia
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 06 Jun 08,, 16:55
  3. good-news stories about guns (Article 2nd amendment issues)
    By Stinger in forum International Politics
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 22 Oct 07,, 07:51
  4. Lefty mentality
    By Major_Armstrong in forum American Politics & Economy
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 19 Oct 06,, 03:16

Share this thread with friends:

Share this thread with friends:

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •