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Thread: Economics Explained

  1. #1
    Senior Contributor Bigfella's Avatar
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    Economics Explained

    I was sent this by my brother, who is a banking exec. Not his work, but funny as all hell. Suddenly it all makes sense.

    SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

    COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

    SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

    ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.The public then buys your bull.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy..

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.


    Win nervously lose tragically - Reds C C

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    Senior Contributor Knaur Amarsh's Avatar
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    That one is a classic, seen it many times, still funny as anything though )
    When our perils are past, shall our gratitude sleep? - George Canning

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    Never saw it and spit coffee out of my nose when I got to the french corporation.

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    Official Thread Jacker Senior Contributor gunnut's Avatar
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    This one is a classic. I've seen the -isms, but the corporations are new.
    "Only Nixon can go to China." -- Old Vulcan proverb.

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    If we shoot Nancy Pelosi, how many cows do we have left?

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    Military Professional Prof's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigfella View Post
    I was sent this by my brother, who is a banking exec. Not his work, but funny as all hell. Suddenly it all makes sense.


    To me, too. But it needs augmentation.

    SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

    But insist that your neighbor feed yours, too.

    COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    Via Lend/Lease. The home-grown is used to make vodka.

    FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    ...but they're both run over by the trains which, however, run on time.

    NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

    ...& the cows, if they can't be proven to be Holsteins.

    BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.\

    No. The unemployed bovine is euthanised compassionately after a committee of experts has carefully decided upon that unfortunate necessity, & the act of compassionate euthanization is classified secret. The other, when determination has been reached that unwarranted advantage has been taken of the employed bovine the milk is converted to cheese & the cheese thrown away.

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

    Until you look the capital gains tax in the eye.

    SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    This sounds very familiar.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

    So does this.

    ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.The public then buys your bull.

    Whoa. I guess you had to be there. See "Surrealism" above.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    & set fire to the two you originally had. & then surrender.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.


    & make a squillion bucks in the dairy, beef & entertainment industries using the same product.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    & then don't let them do it.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

    But it's a very good lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    Pop-top can. Can't afford bottled vodka if you're a Russian cow-counter.

    A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

    Yup. All those Nazi Holsteins.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    But that's OK because you own the USA's debt, & it has lots of cows off your books.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

    Not my problem.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

    ...& then there were none. But then the Inland Revenue would have taken care of that eventually.

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy..

    ...leaving you with the American corporate option...

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

    Now, that's a business plan.

    Prof

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