Raunchy Jokes....Beware bnefore entering!

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  1. Julie
    Julie
    Those are [I]very[/I] good tankie.
  2. Dreadnought
    Dreadnought
    The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances
    on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. "I demand proper
    manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table."
    Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and
    climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a
    hint of a smile." "Yes," replied the girl, "much better." "Very good,
    darling," the husband whispered.


    "Now would you be so kind as to please pass the p,ssy."

    You mean ther is manners involved?)
  3. tankie
    tankie
    A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I
    know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was
    disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the
    poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya ," he
    said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the
    time you finish shopping."

    Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over
    the public-address system:



    "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts
    please meet me at the back of the store."
  4. Bhaarat
    Bhaarat
    Downright hilarious .. ENGLISH woes

    In a temple:
    IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

    Lounge:
    LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

    Doctor’s office:
    WE’RE SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

    Dry cleaners:
    DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

    hotel's rules:
    GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED.

    Restaurant:
    OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

    In a bar:
    WE HAVE SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

    Hotel:
    HE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

    Hotel:
    YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

    In a hotel:
    YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

    Airline ticket office:
    WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

    A laundry:
    LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
  5. Doktor
    Doktor
    [B]American pilots no longer have to fake French [/B]

    In recent days the pilots go into action without Baguette

    Mediterranean Sea, 1 April 2011. (News) - The decision of NATO to take command of military operations in Libya was met with widespread approval of American pilots, who no longer had the strength to act the French, "News" has learned from its sources at the Pentagon.

    As originally only France participated in military action in Libya, all American planes were required to have French markings, while the U.S. pilots were forced to act as French - to many of them was hard.
  6. Doktor
    Doktor
    - TV crews are filming from far when we are entering the aircrafts, every time we show near planes we wear baguette, in order to avoid any suspicion that we are Americans. During the fight it can be a very awkward sitting next to baguettes, which draws attention. Also among colleagues rumors spread that it was bad luck - reveals an unnamed American pilot.

    He said that it became terribly hard listening to Edith Piaf for days.

    - Changing the name is still the smallest problem. We had another one that addresses the Georges, Pierre and Jacques, which was fun at first, but eventually started to really annoy us. Just as same we were annoyed that in communication "Oui" is used rather than "Roger" - recognizes the pilot, who said he had hoped to at least get some good French wine, which did not happen. Instead they got rotten cheese.

    - I am glad that NATO has assumed command, and finally we can be ourselves - says the pilot.


    Sorry for the poor translation.
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