Thread: This is us all over

Pinched this off a m8 , ex mil will know exactly the emotions portrayed in the post

You know you're a squaddie when:

You use target indication to point out fit girls...
You insist on dancing like a ****, whilst your civvie mates insist on trying to dance 'properly'.
... Your civvie mates don't understand any of the terminology you use such as 'no dramas', 'squared away', 'take a knee' etc....
You can't help saying "Roger", "Say again" and other snappy bits of VP
... You use acronyms thinking your civvie mates will understand what you are talking about
You cringe, and mutter under your breath 'haircut', when you see men with`long hair.
You walk at a ridiculous pace and are physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace of your girlfriend
You refer to personal organisation as "admin"
Your girlfriend is stored in your mobile phone address book as 'Zero Alpha
You use patrol hand signals in a night club if people can't hear you
You always use the 24 hour clock.
You keep trying to box your duvet.
You iron your socks & underpants

Everything in your locker (wardrobe) is folded, ironed, & stacked 9 x 9.
Nothing soldiers do shocks you any more.

You can't watch war movies without giving a running commentary.

People in prison have more contact with women than you do....

Whenever you spell something out you use the phonetic alphabet....

You don't trust your mum/wife/girlfriend/any woman to iron your kit because deep down you think that your ironing is better....

You point using your whole hand in a karate chop motion....

You find that the conversation somehow always comes back round to you, because you're more interesting than most topics of conversation....

You think not shaving is a treat....

You get really irritated when people you don't know call you 'mate'....

You can read a junk mail catalogue from cover to cover and refer to everything that is useful as a Gucci bit of kit.

You refer to smoke as 'a double edged sword'.

You spend hours wondering where in civvie street you can get an equal disposable income and at least 6 weeks holiday a year, by completing an inversely proportionally tiny amount of tangible work

Your blood boils when you see civvies wearing DPM.

Going out on Thursday "international army night out" wherever it may be, or whichever course one is on, involves forming the ring-of-steel, talking about ourselves and the army and aggressively staring at girls; who if they don't immediately come over are obviously lesbians.

You come out in a cold sweat if you find yourself still working after lunch on a Friday....

You have to stop work at 10am for NAAFI break or else you might not make it to lunch....

At least half of your DVD collection are war movies....The rest, dodgy german porn

Even though your disposable income is twice that of a civvie you still manage to spend it all, every month, with nothing to show for it, about a week after you've told all your soldiers that you 'can't believe how much money they waste on the ****'....

The sight of rolling countryside makes you scan for 'enemy depth'....

You think that eating every meal for a week with the same spoon that you licked clean and kept in the pocket of the same shirt you've worn all week is perfectly normal....

All of your food has to be prepared by a chef because you're incapable of cooking anything that can't either be boiled in a bag or eaten cold....

You lie when people ask you what you do for a living.....

When leaving your phone number on a voice message you can't just give it once, has to be repeated.

When surveying open ground (when not looking for enemy in depth) you think, good tank country. If a forestry block - I could get a platoon in here

You survey open ground.

When you are pointing out some natural feature you begin with "Reference bushy topped tree etc etc"

When meeting mates in a pub you always turn up 5 minutes early and are secretly angry that nobody else has