Thread: Stories!

During basic training, whenever we started a lesson, ended a lesson, lined up outside the lunchroom or any other reason there was more than one soldier waiting for a sergeant or officer, we had to line up in formation and give attention. This was done in the following manner: The entire squad would line up in rows of three, rifles at parade rest, with one soldier also at parade rest but at 90 degrees to the rest and front-right of the formation. (_ _ _ _ _ _ |). As soon as the sergeant/officer was present, the soldier at 90 degrees would yell "To accept the sergeant/officer, Company/Platoon/whatever will come to attention. 2,3" and the entire formation would yell "ATTENTION!"

When we finished the first half of basic training and the company split up into gunners, loaders and drivers, whenever one specialty group was at formation, we had to come up with our own two part ending instead of the whole "2,3" "ATTENTION!" bit. The problem was that apparently every single combo we came up with, the sergeants had a problem with. It wasn't original, it wasn't acceptable, change it.

We sidestep for a bit. Whenever we were in the tank before we started shooting live ammo, learning about the FCS and all that, whenever we pressed the trigger the TC would go "Pshhhhh" on the ICS. Apparently that's what they thought a live round being fired from the cannon sounded like.

After having the first dozen of our custom bits to receive the sergeants turned down, we decided a new one. We were greeting three sergeants and on cue, the guy at 90 degrees yelled out the first half of the formula. When it came time for the custom ending, he yelled out "How does a tank cannon sound?!" and the entire formation yelled "PSHHHHH!"

All three sergeants burst out laughing, and apparently it's a mortal sin to see a sergeant laughing during basic. It's eternal damnation in the deepest level of hell to make a sergeant laugh. Once the sergeants got their poker faces back on, we spent a good 30 minutes doing pushups, sit-ups, running between gunnery towers and other tricks the sergeants use to torture soldiers in basic. Worth every bloody second, if you ask me...

Alright, it's been a while since we've had any new stories. I'll try another one.

"The day we pi$$ed on France"

Scenario - late 1980's, REFORGER in full swing. We are based at CAFB Lahr, near the border of France, and our task was (of course) to defend NATO assets in the event of a Soviet invasion. Our base was positioned about as far from the predicted fighting as was possible... which was smart. Any attackers would have to overfly all of West Germany, dodging AD assets the whole way.

Our deployment was a LOT of fun, to say the least.

We were given authorization to take a four-ship cross-country to Zaragoza, Spain. We thought the flight planning would be a piece of cake... get authorization, overfly France, land in Spain. Not having the fuel to get there any other way, we were forced to deal with the French. It took 2 days of negotiation, and hours of haggling over the telephone, dozens of numbers dialed, "We'll get back to you" comments, and the like. For a while, it looked like they'd deny overflight of our evil NATO warplanes. Ultimately, we got permission, but we were all extremely miffed. "They're supposed to be our allies, right?"

We launch as "Hoser" flight, and climb to the mid 40's. With a formation, it is nice to get a block altitude, and the controller gave us 46,000' on up, meaning we could be anywhere at or above 46,000'. Settling down to cruise, it became very quiet, as we were on little-used UHF frequencies. Then, we get a call from ATC.

Hozerrr, vuld ew lak flrech faghters tew intersept yeww?

We talk on the #2 radio. "What is she saying?" We finally got it. Hoser, would you like French fighters to intercept you?

Send 'em up!

Lead gives the rest of us a hand signal, "Push it up", meaning increase speed. We also begin to climb, topping at 49,000' +. The ROE of this setup dictates no maneuvering. We were to stay on our flight-planned routing. It was up to the French to find us and solve for a valid intercept. We power up our AI radars, and begin a standard 4-ship search.

I looked at my HUD, and I remember seeing 0.9999 mach or thereabouts. Supersonic was NOT authorized, and would have gotten us into hot water. Still, without going into a lot of technical stuff, a mach 1 target at 50,000' is a very challenging intercept. Everything has to be executed perfectly for success. The "high/fast flyer" scenario came about from the threat of Soviet Foxbats at 60,000' and mach 2+, attempting to kill our AWACs and other HV assets. Exceptionally tricky back then, not so bad now with Patriot and AIM-120.

We watched our radars. Within 10 minutes, we saw one of their alert barns launch, desperately climb, only to fall off the scope to one side. Attempt one failed. Much laughter and mocking on the #2 radio.

30 minutes later, we see another alert barn launch, a pair of Mirage jets clawing for altitude and speed. We could tell from the geometry of their climb that they too would choke, and they did.

With the border approaching, one final attempt was made, and once again, the Mirage alert aircraft fluttered helplessly off profile 20,000' below us, ending up in a hopeless tailchase. All three launch attempts failed miserably, and it would have been even uglier if we had been allowed supersonic.

Our flight overflew the entire nation of France completely unchallenged, at least as far as intercepts. We hit Zaragoza hard, running the "tubes", which is a series of dive bars in a particular area, where they serve weird seafood and Tinto wine, which is supposedly the dregs of a red wine cask, very powerful stuff.

My memory of Zaragoza is a bit hazy to this day...

All I had to do was read the title of the story to burst out laughing

Originally Posted by bigross86

All I had to do was read the title of the story to burst out laughing

Friends of my parents during the 70's pissed on France. In front of a French police officer. From a safe distance - Monaco. True story