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TopHatter
18 Oct 03,, 20:00
I don't know if you guys have seen this website or not but I figured I'd post it anyway. Apparently it's about some Specialist in the US Army nicknamed "Skippy" and all the things he is not allowed to do anymore. It looks like it's from a couple of years ago. I've listed some of my favorites.


My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.

Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.

May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.

The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'

Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.

I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'.

The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

I may not call block my chain of command.

If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

Nerve gas is not funny.

The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.'

‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander

'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide

Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")

Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

Must not make s'mores while on guard duty

Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.

On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.

Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.


The complete list can be found at The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the US Army (http://www.skippyslist.com/)

OK, I'll admit, all 213 of them are my favorites and I know I posted too many here. Sue me :dbanana

ChrisF202
18 Oct 03,, 23:20
Whenever I see this I laugh for like 15 minutes nonstop :)

bigross86
18 Oct 03,, 23:20
LOL! I like this dude. Gives me something to look forward to...

Ray
19 Oct 03,, 05:36
Big Ross,

You are the funniest man any side of the Suez.

Ironduke
19 Oct 03,, 06:52
Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.

May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty.

Woad is not camouflage makeup.

I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.

I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.

Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!’ while out on a mission is bad.

We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.

When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something 'I saw in a cartoon'.

I am not the Emperor of anything.

Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")

:LOL

Bill
19 Oct 03,, 08:51
Someone should post the murphy's laws of combat.

Equally hilarious list.

Good stuff TH!

ChrisF202
19 Oct 03,, 14:51
Originally posted by Ray
Big Ross,

You are the funniest man any side of the Suez.
lol, that in itself is funny

Lunatock
21 Oct 03,, 00:11
Originally posted by TopHatter
Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

So much for that Idea. How about a bruise on my arm?

"Oh, those are just from training. But this one...I'll be sad when it vanishes.". :)

Lunatock
21 Oct 03,, 00:31
Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).

I am not authorized to fire officers.

The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".

I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.

The Microsoft ® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.

Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it. (Spec Ops do say Tobasco makes anything taste better. Why not a huge moth?)

Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.

'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

:LOL

kingfrogger
21 Oct 03,, 05:52
Must not taunt the French anymore.

(* Okay, who the HELL told him that one?!? I thought that was now a course taught during basic... *)

Must not ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.

Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'

Not allowed to wake an NCO by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The best part about all these is at the bottom... says something to the effect that each of these things actually occured, either to Skippy or someone he heard about.

kingfrogger
21 Oct 03,, 05:54
Stinger, here's one for you:

'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.

(* Awww, are they sure about that one? *) :devil

kingfrogger
21 Oct 03,, 05:56
OH, HOLY CRAP!!! (Okay, this is the last one I'll post...)

Where's tw-acs anymore? This is one for him:

I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers'.

LMFAO!!!!

Bill
21 Oct 03,, 08:13
Napalm sticks to kids was my favorite cadence for morning PT. :)

Ray
21 Oct 03,, 09:14
Sniper, Stinger and others,

Why are you so aganist officers?

In our Army, officer have to kead from the Front. That is why there is such a high propoertion of officers dead/ wpunded than enlisted men and JCOs [that a rank thats in between which is singular to our and Pak army].

Don't your officers lead from the front?

When I was commanding a battalion in combat even when I was a Colonel, I was there up front and kicked guys who were being a trifle scared.

Stinger
21 Oct 03,, 12:45
Ray,

Its not that we're (or me at least) against officers, there are many many good ones out there... but the good ones aren't funny. So we make fun of the bad ones....

Stinger
21 Oct 03,, 12:51
Originally posted by M21Sniper
Someone should post the murphy's laws of combat.

Equally hilarious list.

Good stuff TH! Here you go Snipe

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations

Friendly fire - isn't.

Recoilless rifles - aren't.

Suppressive fires - won't.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.

The enemy attacks on two ocasions: when he's ready and when your not

If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short

All 5 second grenade fuses burn down in 3 seconds

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

When your attack is going really well, its an ambush

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready. & when you're not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at

Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way..

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation

Napalm is an area support weapon.

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

bigross86
21 Oct 03,, 15:00
I like those...