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House Passes LAFTA, Relieving Liberal Guilt

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  • House Passes LAFTA, Relieving Liberal Guilt

    http://www.scrappleface.com/MT/archives/002260.html

    House Passes LAFTA, Relieving Liberal Guilt
    by Scott Ott

    (2005-07-28) -- Just hours after it approved the Central American Free Trade Agreement (CAFTA), the U.S. House last night passed the Liberal American Free Trade Agreement (LAFTA), which drops the requirement that left-leaning consumers feel guilty when purchasing unnecessary items from Wal-Mart, McDonald's and other businesses "engaged in unapologetic capitalism."

    "Under LAFTA, liberals will not longer need to slink into Wal-Mart at 2 a.m.," said one unnamed Congressman. "And now they can actually sit down in the McDonald's restaurant, instead of just pulling up to the second window in their hybrids."

    Under the terms of LAFTA, lawmakers expect no substantial changes in total revenue to such merchants from liberals who despise them.

    "This trade pact simply assures us all that buying things that you don't need from businesses that you hate doesn't make you a bad person," the source said. "It doesn't mean that you're a soccer Mom or a NASCAR Dad, or something awful like that."

    President George Bush welcomed the LAFTA pact as "another step toward granting oppressed people the freedom and opportunity that make America great."

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    "So little pains do the vulgar take in the investigation of truth, accepting readily the first story that comes to hand." Thucydides 1.20.3

  • #2
    Originally posted by shek
    "This trade pact simply assures us all that buying things that you don't need from businesses that you hate doesn't make you a bad person," the source said. "It doesn't mean that you're a soccer Mom or a NASCAR Dad, or something awful like that."

    FINALLY! Equality for all! I had always hoped I would live to see this day.
    "To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are."-Sholem Asch

    "I always turn to the sports page first, which records people's accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man's failures."-Earl Warren

    "I didn't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs."-Nancy Reagan, when asked a political question at a "Just Say No" rally

    "He no play-a da game, he no make-a da rules."-Earl Butz, on the Pope's attitude toward birth control

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