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astralis
26 Jun 14,, 19:10
Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay (http://www.clarionledger.com/story/opinion/columnists/2014/06/25/coulter-growing-interest-soccer-sign-nations-moral-decay/11372137/)

can't tell if trolling or parody. i had to check to see if this was an Onion piece.

====

Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay

Ann Coulter, Syndicated columnist 4:37 p.m. CDT June 25, 2014

If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade or about the length of the average soccer game so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.

Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.

It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.

Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear again about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."

The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.

Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.

If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

Albany Rifles
26 Jun 14,, 19:22
She continues to deprive a village somewhere of their idiot.

Double Edge
26 Jun 14,, 19:31
American women are so decadent, they actually win tournaments :biggrin:

Doktor
26 Jun 14,, 20:40
American women are so decadent, they actually win tournaments :biggrin:

When they don't face Canadians :biggrin:

Skywatcher
26 Jun 14,, 21:41
Coulter is the pioneer mistress in monetizing performance art trolling across all mediums.

Double Edge
26 Jun 14,, 21:48
This piece is just begging for it.


In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."
heroes like GK's that keep goals out, players that score at the last minute or equalise soon after giving their team a boost to go on. Players like Messi, Cahill & Ronaldo whose teams do not get very far without them.

losers who score own goals or miss penalties or get awarded red cards ie sent off for the ENTIRE duration of the game.

self esteem gets bruised like any sport were you don't win.


• Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.
Not on a competitive level.


• No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.
so far in this years's WC, 5/46 matches were 'scoreless' which is less than 10%, in the next round there are no ties, its extra time, penalties etc.


• The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.
Ask Suarez about personal disgrace. We see fewer fights because that is best way to get sent off.


• You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!
aka it ain't a sport if you don't use your hands. Can anyone tell me what is the source for this line ?

The first and last time i ever heard it was in a move called 'coming to america'


• I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.
And in the same article we see


The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.
How to get bums on seats ? hook the women first, will inevitably draw the men into it.

18.2 million is decent ratings. Maybe it is catching. If US gets into the quarter finals it will increase further.

This will be the second time the US gets into the round of 16, since they hosted the world cup back in '94. I wonder what the viewer ratings were like during that period.


• It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.
What did the French ever do to african americans ? The english put up with a thousand years worth :biggrin:


An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt.
Only if he's a gorilla :eek:

astralis
26 Jun 14,, 22:15
Coulter is the pioneer mistress in monetizing performance art trolling across all mediums.

it must be diabolically fun to have a job where all you do is find creative ways to insult all your enemies and wait for the bucks to roll in.

Nightowl
27 Jun 14,, 00:05
If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

"Football".

37255



• Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls — all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

In football, there's over 200 passes per game per side easy. All of which can be messed up, intercepted, and giving the opposing side a chance to counter.


In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

Complete lack of understanding of the game. As in American Hand Egg, we play with teams. In teams there's roles. If there's roles you can be held accountable for not fulfilling that role properly, as with any other team sport.


Do they even have MVPs in soccer?

In football, the value of a player can vary greatly on which system he has to play in. Also, it's impossible to compare a defender to a striker, making an MVP just arbitrary.


Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in.

Clearly you miss out on the the strategy and tactics that are required to get the ball to the other side of the pitch. Unlike in American Hand Egg, football does not have and endzone. We have goals. There's a lot smaller. Easier to defend. Meaning, you have to work a whole lot harder to actually get a ball in there. So when a ball actually goes in....


That's when we're supposed to go wild.

You got it!


• Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

Rugby is co-ed up to the age of 12. Rugby. You know, that sport where they do pretty much all of the stuff they do in American Hand Egg, but WITHOUT THE ARMOUR AND PADDING AND HELMETS.


• No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

Even in football, by which I mean football,

... I think you mean hand egg...


there are very few scoreless ties — and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

Yawn. Pick the ball up, throw it, catch it, dash for it, TOUCHDOWN!. Rinse and repeat. Apparently even with a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers trying to crush you, it's easier to score than in football.


• The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

aaand this is the point where I cave to the relentless torrent of stupidity and give up. Good trolling, the sheer amount of it, and the quality of the stupidity. Also, metric fuckin rules.

TopHatter
27 Jun 14,, 01:08
Why won't this person just go away? Please?

Gun Grape
27 Jun 14,, 01:15
She continues to deprive a village somewhere of their idiot.

Ooh no. She is way more idiot than any one village could handle.

Bigfella
27 Jun 14,, 02:01
The existence of Ann Coulter is proof of the nation's moral decay.

Tamara
27 Jun 14,, 02:36
Learning how not to use your hands for everything is not necessarily a bad thing.......................or is this, too, unAmerican?
37257

gunnut
27 Jun 14,, 02:48
Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay (http://www.clarionledger.com/story/opinion/columnists/2014/06/25/coulter-growing-interest-soccer-sign-nations-moral-decay/11372137/)

can't tell if trolling or parody. i had to check to see if this was an Onion piece.

====

It's parody.

The immortal George Carlin once said that in order for a joke to work, one thing has to be exaggerated WAAAAAYYYYYY out of proportion. It would be so absurd that it's funny.

I thought the piece is hilarious.

Do you watch Tosh.o? He went on a 2.5 minute rant about how stupid soccer is. That was funny as hell.

Don't take everything so seriously.

jeSZWNtMKxA

zraver
27 Jun 14,, 05:44
Ooh no. She is way more idiot than any one village could handle.

And yet I'm pretty sure she lives under the Freemont Bridge in Seattle....

Albany Rifles
27 Jun 14,, 15:30
Gun nut,

Ann Coulter wouldn't know satire if it hit her in the face.

kato
27 Jun 14,, 16:43
Ann Coulter should check out handball for a less un-american sport.

They use hands.
They easily score 50+ goals in a match.
It's all about getting the ball to the other end zone (and then hitting a goal there).
The ball moves constantly because there's a time limit on how long a player can keep it.
Games are shorter (two 30-minute innings) possibly being more attractive for people with short attentions spans.
Physical contact play and injured players, at least on the lower competitive levels, is rather common*.
At least round here it's a sport for boys who only do sports to be jocks and binge drink together, mostly because there's nothing else to do.

It's sort of like basketball.

Though, of course, this sport ain't really played in the US. The last Northern American and Carribean Championship had Greenland winning over Cuba, with the US beating Mexico for third, and Puerto Rico coming in fifth. No other nations attended.

* In Germany, handball is estimated to incur an average 400 million Euro in healthcare costs for 320,000 injured players. Every Year. Unlike other sports, most injuries in handball stem from "interaction" with opposite players.

Doktor
27 Jun 14,, 17:59
Handball is brutal and often dirty sport.

Tamara
27 Jun 14,, 18:08
And there is that bastardization of handball, raquet ball. A heathen sport, but oh well!

When I was an aspiring young naval officer to be, playing at the courts at night was often a way of late evening exercise.

I was told at least once (but I had a reputation to deserve more), "Tamm, I have no doubt that I can beat you in raquet ball..........it's surviving the encounter that bugs me."

I remember once in either doubles or cut throat, the opponent was back to the wall, the ball infront of his face, and my raquet passed an inch or two infront of his eyes to WHACK that poor little ball that never did me any harm.

Triple C
27 Jun 14,, 18:30
She ain't no idiot. She's laughing all the way to the bank.

Double Edge
27 Jun 14,, 18:50
Gun nut,

Ann Coulter wouldn't know satire if it hit her in the face.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olImauCGa-0

Bugger Suarez
Bugger Liverpool FC :mad:

and we'll use the great band 'Queen' to do it with.

FJV
27 Jun 14,, 18:57
http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-stop-making-stupid-people-famous-1.png

Doktor
27 Jun 14,, 19:35
Too late
World Cup fever really has hit America (http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/27/world-cup-fever-america-ann-coulter-football-socialism-team-usa?CMP=fb_gu)

antimony
27 Jun 14,, 22:20
It's parody.

The immortal George Carlin once said that in order for a joke to work, one thing has to be exaggerated WAAAAAYYYYYY out of proportion. It would be so absurd that it's funny.

I thought the piece is hilarious.

Do you watch Tosh.o? He went on a 2.5 minute rant about how stupid soccer is. That was funny as hell.

Don't take everything so seriously.

jeSZWNtMKxA

That's not satire

This is:

Genius Performance Artist Ann Coulter Is Now Pretending to Hate Soccer (http://jezebel.com/genius-performance-artist-ann-coulter-is-now-pretending-1596633636)

Double Edge
28 Jun 14,, 00:35
Too late
World Cup fever really has hit America (http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/27/world-cup-fever-america-ann-coulter-football-socialism-team-usa?CMP=fb_gu)
Heh, it been a recruiting ground for the far right, this is why we see the 'no rascism' posters all over the place. A nuance Coulter has apparently missed.

If she wants to attack socialists she should ask them why they didn't invent jeans.

US getting into the quarters by beating belgium. it is possible :)

BelIeve

GVChamp
28 Jun 14,, 15:44
Come on, it's better than cat picture memes.

tankie
29 Jun 14,, 12:12
Handball is brutal and often dirty sport.

So is football , why , money , and suarez :biggrin:

tankie
29 Jun 14,, 12:14
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olImauCGa-0

Bugger Suarez
Bugger Liverpool FC :mad:

and we'll use the great band 'Queen' to do it with.

Sod suarez , long live Liverpool , YNWA

troung
29 Jun 14,, 23:49
I actually agree with her. Soccer is lame.

bonehead
30 Jun 14,, 03:54
How about this for a sign of moral decay. That some ass clown like her gets her say and the media picks it up. We could add hundreds to that list.

antimony
30 Jun 14,, 07:10
I actually agree with her. Soccer is lame.

So go play handegg

antimony
30 Jun 14,, 07:10
How about this for a sign of moral decay. That some ass clown like her gets her say and the media picks it up. We could add hundreds to that list.

You blaming the media for this one too?

Doktor
30 Jun 14,, 10:10
You blaming the media for this one too?

It's all their fault. Heck, they even made it news :biggrin:

Doktor
30 Jun 14,, 10:11
So go play handegg

But it's not even an egg.

It's not American's fault they call it soccer. *looks at the Brits*

toffee
12 Jul 14,, 23:57
Coulter does speak the mind of conservatives, tea partiers and folks that identify themselves as God-fearing.

Officer of Engineers
13 Jul 14,, 06:14
Coulter does speak the mind of conservatives, tea partiers and folks that identify themselves as God-fearing.
Who the fuck are you?

toffee
13 Jul 14,, 06:18
Who the fuck are you?Manner, manner got to remember Grandma would not approve your language.

Officer of Engineers
13 Jul 14,, 06:26
I'm older than your grandma. Who the fuck are you!

toffee
13 Jul 14,, 06:35
I'm older than your grandma. Who the fuck are you! It's your grandma that you need to answer to for your manner.

Bigfella
13 Jul 14,, 06:41
It's your grandma that you need to answer to for your manner.

The one here with bad manners is you. New arrivals are expected to introduce themselves. It is not optional. You have been here almost a month & have not done so. If you want to stay I humbly suggest you introduce yourself.

http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/wab-information-center/61571-introduction-thread-all-new-members-110.html#post970258

It is also recommended that you read the Official user guide and, just as importantly, this unofficial guide. This is a great place to post if you understand how it works & earn your stripes. The clock is ticking.....

http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/wab-information-center/46580-semi-offical-wab-survival-guide.html

toffee
13 Jul 14,, 06:43
When someone said: who the (**& are you, I consider that is impolite and doesn't deserve an answer.


The one here with bad manners is you. New arrivals are expected to introduce themselves. It is not optional. You have been here almost a month & have not done so. If you want to stay I humbly suggest you introduce yourself.

http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/wab-information-center/61571-introduction-thread-all-new-members-110.html#post970258

It is also recommended that you read the Official user guide and, just as importantly, this unofficial guide. This is a great place to post if you understand how it works & earn your stripes. The clock is ticking.....

http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/wab-information-center/46580-semi-offical-wab-survival-guide.html

Officer of Engineers
13 Jul 14,, 06:48
When someone said: who the (**& are you, I consider that is impolite and doesn't deserve an answer.I don't care! If you came in here spouting something intelligent, you would have been given a pass but you spouted stupidity. You came into my house demanding respect for your stupid post. It ain't going to happen. So again, who the fuck are you?

Bigfella
13 Jul 14,, 06:50
When someone said: who the (**& are you, I consider that is impolite and doesn't deserve an answer.

If you'd read the Survival guide & found out how things worked around here you'd know that the Colonel isn't just 'someone'. He's the welcoming committee you never want to meet. :biggrin:

toffee
13 Jul 14,, 06:57
Your house? After 20 posts including three very rude post towards me?

Stupidity? Your don't believe there are conservatives out there that admire Ann Coulter? Or you thinking that she is a darling for the liberals?

JAD_333
13 Jul 14,, 07:02
Your house? After 20 posts including three very rude post towards me?

Stupidity? Your don't believe there are conservatives out there that admire Ann Coulter? Or you thinking that she is a darling for the liberals?


Let's have a truce here, please. OOE's odometer just returned to zero after 20K posts and he's been here longer than most of us. Of course, you didn't know that. But now that you do, just roll with the punches.

Just introduce yourself at the link Big Fella gave you and get a feel for the lay of the land.

Officer of Engineers
13 Jul 14,, 07:03
I'm the Officer of Engineers! With over 15,000 posts

Ann Coulter is a fucking dyke in need of an orgasm.

But that does not give you leave to dismiss Conservative thinkers! The Tea Party, for all its faults, is telling you NOT to borrow for unnecessary things ... like a brand new car when a 2nd hand jalopy will do.

Bigfella
13 Jul 14,, 07:04
Your house? After 20 posts including three very rude post towards me?

Stupidity? Your don't believe there are conservatives out there that admire Ann Coulter? Or you thinking that she is a darling for the liberals?

If you had payed enough attention here rather than talking you would know who he is and why you need to just shut up now. You won't live long enough & achieve enough to earn the respect he has here.

Stop talking, start paying attention and improve the quality of your posts. Right now the person telling you this is just a senior poster. Soon it will be someone in a position to make your stay here short.

Tick, tick, tick.

Bigfella
13 Jul 14,, 07:05
Oops. Too late!

Jimbo
14 Jul 14,, 04:54
My opinion is that Ann Coulter is a professional troll. She is smart enough to know what will get her name in the news and people reading her stuff. I can't know for certain, but my hunch is that and the money she gets is all she really cares about. She knows that the World Cup was getting a lot of attention, so how to get attention off that, come up with this piece. I wouldn't call it satire, but I will call it trolling.

I could be wrong and maybe she honestly thinks that soccer is the game of Satan. I have my doubts on that.

Repatriated Canuck
27 Jul 14,, 01:21
Not on a competitive level.





In Canada and the US no girls on any level in any team sport play with boys past the ages of 6 to 10 depending on the game. We play contact games where grown men are only allowed to cry after a massive loss or a broken bone. It's looked on favorably if you continue to play with said broken bone.

I tried to get into soccer when I lived in Europe. I couldn't do it. The "shwarming" is disgusting, I don't know what I hate more; the fact that it's cheating or that a grown man is acting like a 6 year old girl.

So who is this Ann Coulter? This was a joke tease article right?



Nightowl, I loved your hand egg diggs. Made me laugh.