PDA

View Full Version : Global Sports Consolidtion Laws - The first job for a World Government?



Aussiegunner
14 Jun 10,, 07:18
The year is 2020 and the United Nations, led by ex-Australian Prime Minister Kevin "Australia's gift to the World (or alternatively we just couldn't stand listening to him speak so we foisted him on everybody else)" Rudd has finally achieved it's goal of subverting the soveriegnty of every nation on Earth, through a tangle of interenational treaties that leave national governments with responsibility for nothing more than the provision of sewage and garbage disposal. Nobody is sure that the treaties actually do stop national governments making decisions, but they are so complicated and confusing that nobody could afford to run the court cases to work it out, so they just gave in and let the UN "look after them".

The first job that Chairman Rudd (Secretary-General was soooooo 2010) has for the UN is to correct the obvious deficiency in World sport, i.e., there are too many different sports taking athletic talent from the good ones. In true authoratarian fashion, Rudd decrees that all the mediocre and lousy sports should be banned and that we should all be forced to concentrate on the good ones.

There was initially great international enthusiasm for this, as it might be the only good idea that Ruddy ever has, and the UN has to employ 3000 staff on $80,000 a year each to read the submissions that flow on what should go and what should stay. In addition they employ 10000 managers on an average of $150,000 a year each to oversee the 3000 staff and to generally be responsible for "communication and risk management", a board of 192 representatives on $500,000 a year each from United Nations member states to be responsible for "strategy" and after a year or two 200 consultants on an average of $1,000,000 a year each to tell the representatives why they have stuffed up and how to fix it.

The task of WABbits is to write the submission that might most impress this bureaucratic monolith into doing something about the global crisis in sport, before the rising sea levels resulting from global warming cover the World's sporting fields and make this all academic. Incidentally, this crisis in sport come just in the nick of time, because the UN had given up on climate change and had to find somewhere to put all those staff who were working to mitigate it - or else they may have had to get real jobs (Nooooooo!). You will get bonus points for mentioning rugby union, baseball, ice hockey, pylon racing and women's beach volleyball in a positive light and will lose points for a positive mention of cricket, golf, croquet or any code of football that might compete with rugby union for players (thats all of them except soccer, but you get a cross for that for mentioning a girl's game played by men).

Have fun ;).

bigross86
14 Jun 10,, 13:51
Hmm... Rugby union needs to stay, as does Rugby league, just to prove how much better Union is, and for the State of Origin (2 more days until game 2!). Anything involving athletic women in bikinis can stay. Cheerleading will become an official sport, with a special proviso for topless cheerleading earning the contestants bonus points. V8 Supercars and NASCAR can stay, mainly because we like big engines and lots of noise, but NASCAR will have right turns added to the curriculum. Hockey is brutal and violent, so it stays. NFL can stay because it provides washed down violence for the weak-hearted.

This may come as a shock to some, but I propose that baseball be allowed to stay. Not very action filled, but a game where an 1/8th of an inch miscalculation will be the difference between scoring and getting out requires mass amounts of skill. Besides, standing there and trying to hit a ball that's aimed right at you that's going at 98MPH (157KPH) is pretty ballsy.

Basketball can go. Cricket is out. Curling is gone. Poker is not a sport. It can stick around, but it's not a sport. Golf is out. Horses to be used only for racing and being bet upon. No jumping, waving sticks (polo) or anything of the sort. Field hockey players must learn to ice skate or abdicate from the sport. Oh yeah. No water sports. Even if they have women in bikinis. It doesn't help me if the bikini is under water. Once she transfers to the beach everything is ok

Lacrosse is debatable. It's plenty violent, and doesn't use as much padding as NFL, but we already have rugby...

Aussiegunner
15 Jun 10,, 16:37
Hmm... Rugby union needs to stay, as does Rugby league, just to prove how much better Union is, and for the State of Origin (2 more days until game 2!). Anything involving athletic women in bikinis can stay. Cheerleading will become an official sport, with a special proviso for topless cheerleading earning the contestants bonus points. V8 Supercars and NASCAR can stay, mainly because we like big engines and lots of noise, but NASCAR will have right turns added to the curriculum. Hockey is brutal and violent, so it stays. NFL can stay because it provides washed down violence for the weak-hearted.

This may come as a shock to some, but I propose that baseball be allowed to stay. Not very action filled, but a game where an 1/8th of an inch miscalculation will be the difference between scoring and getting out requires mass amounts of skill. Besides, standing there and trying to hit a ball that's aimed right at you that's going at 98MPH (157KPH) is pretty ballsy.

Basketball can go. Cricket is out. Curling is gone. Poker is not a sport. It can stick around, but it's not a sport. Golf is out. Horses to be used only for racing and being bet upon. No jumping, waving sticks (polo) or anything of the sort. Field hockey players must learn to ice skate or abdicate from the sport. Oh yeah. No water sports. Even if they have women in bikinis. It doesn't help me if the bikini is under water. Once she transfers to the beach everything is ok

Lacrosse is debatable. It's plenty violent, and doesn't use as much padding as NFL, but we already have rugby...

How about we get rid of League so that we get all those talented but dumb Aussie league players into Union, after which we will be the unchallenged best in the World. We can always keep SOO as a Union tournement. I agree that we should keep NFL though, because if the US ever got back into Union in earnest it would be game over for the rest of us. They are the reigning Olympic rugby champions after all!

I like where you are going with cheerleading but think that sychronised swimming would also be good if the outfits were skimpier ...

rj1
15 Jun 10,, 18:32
I agree that we should keep NFL though, because if the US ever got back into Union in earnest it would be game over for the rest of us. They are the reigning Olympic rugby champions after all!

Play rugby myself here in the States. My coach is a Welshman and he's not much of a believer in American talent being able to crossover from football to rugby, but I think if you took 100 good college players that weren't able to make the NFL, put them through a rugby camp, I think you could produce a great XV from them after developing their rugby-specific skills for a year.

Aussiegunner
20 Jun 10,, 02:51
Play rugby myself here in the States. My coach is a Welshman and he's not much of a believer in American talent being able to crossover from football to rugby, but I think if you took 100 good college players that weren't able to make the NFL, put them through a rugby camp, I think you could produce a great XV from them after developing their rugby-specific skills for a year.

I tend to agree with him that you couldn't just take a bunch of current NFL stars and turn them into World beating rugby players but they might be a decent second or third string team. What would be needed to make the US become a great rugby nation is for kids to start playing from the time they can run, like they do in New Zealand and Australia, so that the sport is bred into them. While Rugby is just something that those who aren't good enough for college football to start playing when they are 18 or so the elite level in the US will never be very good. Not that I am critisising those who do choose to play at college, sport is as much about having fun as anything else so I found it heartening to hear how many people in the US enjoy playing.