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Ode to English Plurals

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  • Ode to English Plurals

    Ode to English Plurals.....


    We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
    But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
    One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
    Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
    You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
    Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

    If the plural of man is always called men,
    Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
    If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
    And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
    If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
    Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

    Then one may be that, and three would be those,
    Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
    And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
    We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
    But though we say mother, we ne ver say methren.
    Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
    But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
    There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
    neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

    English muffins weren't invented in England .

    We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
    we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a
    guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
    grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
    Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If
    you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
    what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what do es a humanitarian eat?
    Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
    committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

    In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
    We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
    We have noses that run and feet that smell.
    We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
    And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
    while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
    house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
    filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

    And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?


    "Some have learnt many Tricks of sly Evasion, Instead of Truth they use Equivocation, And eke it out with mental Reservation, Which is to good Men an Abomination."

    I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

    HAKUNA MATATA

  • #2
    I've given these a lot of thought.

    tooth: teeth
    goose: geese
    foot: feet

    but...

    door, not deer
    what's more than more? not mere...

    Yes, I have too much time on my hands.
    "Only Nixon can go to China." -- Old Vulcan proverb.

    Comment


    • #3
      An old Army Order:

      Beds will be made up
      As laid down
      in standing Orders

      :)

      Comment


      • #4
        Dave,

        You are terrific.

        :))


        "Some have learnt many Tricks of sly Evasion, Instead of Truth they use Equivocation, And eke it out with mental Reservation, Which is to good Men an Abomination."

        I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

        HAKUNA MATATA

        Comment


        • #5
          Favorite English clause: "...would have had to have had..."

          -dlae

          Comment


          • #6
            It will let someone confused.

            Comment


            • #7
              Every language has its nuances. & yes, it's fun to explore their "irregularities" at times.

              In a time long ago, in a place not far from where I sit now, I attended a college class on the Chinese language & culture for an entire school year. All I can remember of the class at the moment is the word for beer, how to ask how someone is feeling, how to respond to that same question...

              & that the same character in the Chinese we were learning could mean horse, house or Mother, depending on it's inflection or the context of the sentence (I can't remember which right now). I was called to the carpet one day for writing the following in class while contemplating this fact:

              "Just where are you going?" the horse asked.
              "I'm off to ride my house in the pasture." the young man replied.
              "Don't you dare step one foot out of this Mother!" she told him angrily.

              & now you see why I only took one year of that language & culture course. Yes, those nuances can be confusing to others!
              If you know the enemy and yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles. - Sun Tzu

              Comment


              • #8
                Ironic that I'm sitting here doing my Deustchhaufausgaben at the moment (that pesky little last class I need for my BA).

                You need look no (kein, keine, keinem, keiner, keinen oder keines?) further than German, the (die, das, der, dem, oder den?) cousin language of English for even more chaos and confusion. In the area of verbs, adverbs, and adjectives the chaos and confusion is on an order of magnitude when compared to English plurals. ;)
                "Every man has his weakness. Mine was always just cigarettes."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Skull6 View Post
                  Every language has its nuances. & yes, it's fun to explore their "irregularities" at times.

                  In a time long ago, in a place not far from where I sit now, I attended a college class on the Chinese language & culture for an entire school year. All I can remember of the class at the moment is the word for beer, how to ask how someone is feeling, how to respond to that same question...

                  & that the same character in the Chinese we were learning could mean horse, house or Mother, depending on it's inflection or the context of the sentence (I can't remember which right now). I was called to the carpet one day for writing the following in class while contemplating this fact:

                  "Just where are you going?" the horse asked.
                  "I'm off to ride my house in the pasture." the young man replied.
                  "Don't you dare step one foot out of this Mother!" she told him angrily.

                  & now you see why I only took one year of that language & culture course. Yes, those nuances can be confusing to others!
                  Heh, I just realized not too long ago that there's only one word in Chinese for "crawl" and "climb." The context will tell the listener whether someone is crawling on the floor or climbing...anything.

                  There's also only one word for "off," "close," and "shut" in Chinese. Similarly there's only one word for "on" and "open."

                  However, there are about a dozen words for "cousin" and that's probably only on one side of the family. :))
                  "Only Nixon can go to China." -- Old Vulcan proverb.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Doesn't that make it: a. fun and b. the most expressive language? It is a shame that we regularised the language with dictionaries etc as I'm sure 'misspellings' could be faarrr more expressive... :)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ironduke View Post
                      Ironic that I'm sitting here doing my Deustchhaufausgaben at the moment (that pesky little last class I need for my BA).

                      You need look no (kein, keine, keinem, keiner, keinen oder keines?) further than German, the (die, das, der, dem, oder den?) cousin language of English for even more chaos and confusion. In the area of verbs, adverbs, and adjectives the chaos and confusion is on an order of magnitude when compared to English plurals. ;)
                      I thought German was tough but boy did it really help with much simpler (for me) Afrikaans. Lots of cognants and simpler constructions.
                      Reddite igitur quae sunt Caesaris Caesari et quae sunt Dei Deo
                      (Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's and unto God the things which are God's)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        amazing thread and contributions...
                        keep posting :)

                        what is the longest english word?
                        the longest one in turkish and german both consist of 42 letters.
                        sigpicaction speaks louder than words

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by gunnut View Post
                          However, there are about a dozen words for "cousin" and that's probably only on one side of the family. :))
                          And how many degrees removed too!
                          All those who are merciful with the cruel will come to be cruel to the merciful.
                          -Talmud Kohelet Rabbah, 7:16.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            It is fun to explore languages.

                            Some languages are "phonetic". That means that you can look at a word and know how to say it. English is not phonetic. You cannot always look at an English word and know how to say it. You cannot always hear an English word and know how to spell it.

                            George Bernard Shaw (GBS) was a famous Irish writer. He wanted to reform English spelling so that it was more logical. He asked the following question as an example:

                            How do we pronounce the word "ghoti"?

                            His answer was "fish".

                            How can "ghoti" and "fish" sound the same? GBS explained it like this:

                            * the gh = f as in rouGH
                            * the o = i as in wOmen
                            * the ti = sh as in naTIon

                            Of course, this was a joke. The word "ghoti" is not even a real word. But it showed the inconsistency of English spelling.

                            It is very important to understand that English spelling and English pronunciation are not always the same.
                            Same spelling - different sound

                            Do not place too much importance on the spelling of a word. The more important thing in understanding English is the sound.

                            Here are five words that end in "ough". In each word, the "ough" has a different pronunciation:

                            * bough rhymes with cow
                            * cough rhymes with off
                            * rough rhymes with puff
                            * though rhymes with Jo
                            * through rhymes with too

                            Many words have exactly the same spelling but are pronounced differently when the meaning is different. These words are called "homographs". Here are some examples:

                            * bow (noun: front of ship) rhymes with cow
                            * bow (noun: fancy knot) rhymes with go

                            * lead (verb: to guide) rhymes with feed
                            * lead (noun: metal) rhymes with fed

                            * wind (noun: airflow) rhymes with pinned
                            * wind (verb: to turn) rhymes with find

                            Different spelling - same sound

                            Many words have different spellings but are pronounced exactly the same. These words are called "homophones". Here are some examples:

                            * sea, see
                            * for, four
                            * hear, here
                            * one, won
                            * knight, night
                            * him, hymn
                            * to, too, two

                            What can we learn from all this? We can learn that the sound of a word is more important than the spelling.

                            Of course, it is good to spell correctly. But to help you understand spoken English and many rules of English, you should think first about the sound of the words. Do not worry too much at first about the spelling.

                            Take, for example, the rule about pronouncing the past simple "-ed" ending of regular verbs. You have probably learned that when a verb ends in "d" or "t", we add "-ed" and pronounce it /Id/ as an extra syllable.

                            /Id/

                            wanT wantED

                            So why do we have:

                            /Id/

                            divide dividED

                            ???

                            "Divide" does not end in "d". It ends in "e". But it does end in a /d/ sound. With this rule, it is the sound at the end of a word that matters, not the letter. You must think about the spoken word, not the written word.

                            This is only one example of the importance of sounds in English. There are many more examples!

                            ESL Articles: "Ghoti" = "Fish" | EnglishClub.com)
                            Last edited by Ray; 12 Sep 08,, 05:58.


                            "Some have learnt many Tricks of sly Evasion, Instead of Truth they use Equivocation, And eke it out with mental Reservation, Which is to good Men an Abomination."

                            I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

                            HAKUNA MATATA

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Plurism is bad enough. No wonder most people from other couotries say English is a very hard language to learn. Even its sentence structure is backwards to most European languages that English supposedly comes from (Anglo, German and Latin).

                              What gets me is pronouciation of related words. For example, a Telegraph is pronounced Tell-e-graf but a person who taps out a telegraph is called a Tel-eh-grafer and not a Tele-grafer.

                              Photograph and Photographer fall into the same mixed pronounciation categories.

                              We have a major East-West street here in Southern Cal named Sepulveda. When we first moved to California we pronounced it Se-pul-vedah. But we were told it was a Spanish name and should be pronounced Se-pool-veedah. So for the heck of it I sometimes pronounce it Sepull-veedah.

                              Can you folks think of any others? I know. The trick is how to spell them out in a posting to show the difference in pronouciation and enounciation of syllables.

                              It's even too hard for me so forget it. But I like to spook people by mixed phonics anyway. Funny thing is, they know exactly what I'm talking about.
                              Able to leap tall tales in a single groan.

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