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  • Congress to Halt Closing of Unprofitable Starbucks

    Congress to Halt Closing of Unprofitable Starbucks

    Congress to Halt Closing of Unprofitable Starbucks
    by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 54 Comments

    (2008-07-02) — Democrats in Congress today plan to introduce a bill to halt the recently-announced closing of some 600 Starbucks coffee stores, noting that the displacement of 12,000 Starbucks baristas would overwhelm government aid offices not prepared to handle so many clients for whom English is a second language.

    Baristas, those who serve Starbucks beverages, speak a peculiar dialect that combines pseudo-Italian and American slang with inflections borrowed from ancient hemp-smoking cultures.

    “These people can’t just walk out of Starbucks and get a job at a grocery store or a factory,” said House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-CA. “They would need ESL classes and cultural training to learn how to relate to ordinary Americans and function in society.”

    Rep. Pelosi’s bill would subsidize the 600 money-losing Starbucks locations by giving away millions of taxpayer dollars in so-called ‘Venti Vouchers’ to residents of these hard-hit neighborhoods. If the effort fails to revive the flagging stores, Rep. Pelosi said Democrats would “seriously consider nationalizing the coffee industry to ensure the free flow of java at fair prices.”

    “This is just another one of our heroic Democrat efforts to protect Americans from the impact of the Bush economic policies,” said Rep. Pelosi. “Under this president, America has become a cold and desolate place where corporations cut unprofitable activities to focus on increasing the bottom line, and returning value to shareholders. When Democrats retake the White House next year, we will reverse that trend.”
    "So little pains do the vulgar take in the investigation of truth, accepting readily the first story that comes to hand." Thucydides 1.20.3

  • #2
    Pelosi said Democrats would “seriously consider nationalizing the coffee industry to ensure the free flow of java at fair prices.”
    This calls for an appropriate response:



















    Comment


    • #3
      I smell Onions...

      Comment


      • #4
        god, are the democrats off again or what. there's a HUGE market demand for people who can stir up a vente sugarfree vanilla two-pump with soy milk extra hot latte.

        There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "My ignorance is just as good as your knowledge."- Isaac Asimov

        Comment


        • #5
          this rases b.s. flag, i,ve been to hundreds statrbucks places here in nyc, for some reason workers, looked like they knew english very well, not one of them looked like he\she needed esl classes. most looked like students working part time.


          -
          "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" B. Franklin

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          • #6
            Dont drink coffee, so they can close them all for all I care. Americans ***** about $4.00 a gallon gas but pay more $5.00-$7.00 for a cup of gormet coffee. Pathetic.
            Fortitude.....The strength to persist...The courage to endure.

            Comment


            • #7
              omon, twas a joke.
              There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "My ignorance is just as good as your knowledge."- Isaac Asimov

              Comment


              • #8
                dreadnought,

                Americans ***** about $4.00 a gallon gas but pay more $5.00-$7.00 for a cup of gormet coffee. Pathetic.
                difference being, for modern transportation one needs gas, no one needs that $5 latte.
                There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "My ignorance is just as good as your knowledge."- Isaac Asimov

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by astralis View Post
                  omon, twas a joke.
                  oh, ok, my mistake.
                  "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" B. Franklin

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by astralis View Post
                    dreadnought,



                    difference being, for modern transportation one needs gas, no one needs that $5 latte.
                    Bingo Astralis! My point exactly.;)
                    Fortitude.....The strength to persist...The courage to endure.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by astralis View Post
                      dreadnought,



                      difference being, for modern transportation one needs gas, no one needs that $5 latte.
                      That's not the point. The point is liberal yuppies have the RIGHT to low cost lattes. :P

                      You know what I drink? Office coffee. And I don't complain about gas prices. :))
                      "Only Nixon can go to China." -- Old Vulcan proverb.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quite amusing......
                        Welcome, you step into a forum of the flash bang, chew toy hell, and shove it down your throat brutal honesty. OoE

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Which is why I go to Dunkin' Donuts.
                          “Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”
                          Mark Twain

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