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  • Gunny Hartman

    http://www.corky.net/scripts/FullMetalJacket.html

    DAY


    Marine recruits having their heads shaved with electric clippers. The hair piles up on the floor.



    2 INT.

    BARRACKS--DAY



    Marine recruits stand at attention in front of their bunks.



    Master Gunnery Sergeant HARTMAN walks along the

    line of

    blank-faced recruits.



    HARTMAN



    I am Gunnery Sergeant

    Hartman, your Senior

    Drill Instructor. From now on, you will speak



    only when spoken to, and the first and last

    words out of your filthy

    sewers will be "Sir!"

    Do you maggots understand that?





    RECRUITS

    (in unison)



    Sir, yes, sir!





    HARTMAN

    Bullshit! I can't hear you. Sound off like you

    got a pair.



    RECRUITS

    (louder)

    Sir, yes, sir!





    HARTMAN

    If you ladies leave my island, if you survive

    recruit

    training ... you will be a weapon, you

    will be a minister of death,

    praying for war.

    But until that day you are pukes! You're the



    lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even

    human fucking beings!

    You are nothing but

    unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian



    shit!



    Because I am hard, you will not like me. But



    the more

    you hate me, the more you will

    learn. I am hard, but I am fair!

    There is no

    racial bigotry here! I do not look down on

    ******s,

    kikes, wops or greasers. Here you

    are all equally worthless! And my

    orders are

    to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack

    the gear

    to serve in my beloved Corps! Do

    you maggots understand that?





    RECRUITS

    (in unison)

    Sir, yes, sir!







    HARTMAN

    Bullshit! I can't hear you!





    RECRUITS



    (louder)

    Sir, yes, sir!





    Sergeant HARTMAN stops in front of a

    black recruit,

    Private SNOWBALL.





    HARTMAN

    What's your

    name, scumbag?



    SNOWBALL

    (shouting)

    Sir,

    Private Brown, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Bullshit! From now on

    you're Private

    Snowball! Do you like that name?





    SNOWBALL

    (shouting)

    Sir, yes, sir!





    HARTMAN



    Well, there's one thing that you won't like,

    Private Snowball! They

    don't serve fried

    chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in

    my

    mess hall!



    SNOWBALL

    Sir, yes, sir!





    JOKER



    (whispering)

    Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?





    HARTMAN



    Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's

    the slimy

    little communist shit twinkle-toed

    cocksucker down here, who just

    signed his

    own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy

    fucking

    godmother said it! Out-fucking-

    standing! I will P.T. you all until

    you fucking

    die! I'll P.T. you until your assholes are

    sucking

    buttermilk.





    Sergeant HARTMAN grabs cowboy by the shirt.







    HARTMAN

    Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?!





    COWBOY

    Sir, no, sir!





    HARTMAN

    You little piece of

    shit! You look like a fucking

    worm! I'll bet it was you!





    COWBOY

    Sir, no, sir!



    JOKER

    Sir, I said it, sir!





    Sergeant HARTMAN steps up to JOKER.





    HARTMAN

    Well ...

    no shit. What have we got here, a

    fucking comedian? Private Joker? I

    admire

    your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come

    over to my

    house and fuck my sister.



    Sergeant HARTMAN purnches JOKER in the

    stomach.

    JOKER sags to his knees.



    HARTMAN

    You little

    scumbag! I've got your name! I've

    got your ass! You will not laugh!

    You will not

    cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will

    teach

    you. Now get up! Get on your feet! You

    had best unfuck yourself or I

    will unscrew

    your head and shit down your neck!



    JOKER



    Sir, yes, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Private Joker, why did you join

    my beloved

    Corps?



    JOKER

    Sir, to kill, sir!





    HARTMAN

    So you're a killer!



    JOKER

    Sir, yes, sir!





    HARTMAN

    Let me see your war face!



    JOKER

    Sir?





    HARTMAN

    You've got a war face? Aaaaaaaagh! That's a

    war face.

    Now let me see your war face!



    JOKER

    Aaaaaaaagh!





    HARTMAN

    Bullshit! You didn't convince me! Let me see

    your real

    war face!



    JOKER

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!





    HARTMAN

    You didn't scare me! Work on it!



    JOKER



    Sir, yes, sir!



    Sergeant HARTMAN speaks into cowboy's face.





    HARTMAN

    What's your excuse?



    COWBOY

    Sir, excuse for

    what, sir?



    HARTMAN

    I'm asking the fucking questions

    here,

    Private. Do you understand?!



    COWBOY

    Sir,

    yes, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Well thank you very much! Can I be in

    charge

    for a while?



    COWBOY

    Sir, yes, sir!





    HARTMAN

    Are you shook up? Are you nervous?



    COWBOY



    Sir, I am, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Do I make you nervous?





    COWBOY

    Sir!



    HARTMAN

    Sir, what? Were you about to

    call me an

    asshole?!



    COWBOY

    Sir, no, sir!





    HARTMAN

    How tall are you, Private?



    COWBOY

    Sir,

    five foot nine, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Five foot nine? I didn't

    know they stacked shit

    that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in

    on

    me somewhere, huh?



    COWBOY

    Sir, no, sir.





    HARTMAN

    Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of

    you ran

    down the crack of your mama's ass

    and ended up as a brown stain on

    the

    mattress! I think you've been cheated!



    HARTMAN



    Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?





    COWBOY



    Sir, Texas, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Holy dogshit! Texas! Only

    steers and queers

    come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you



    don't look much like a steer to me, so that

    kinda narrows it down!

    Do you suck dicks!



    COWBOY

    Sir, no, sir!





    HARTMAN

    Are you a peter-puffer?



    COWBOY

    Sir, no,

    sir!



    HARTMAN

    I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would

    fuck

    a person in the ass and not even have the

    goddam common

    courtesy to give him a reach-

    around! I'll be watching you!





    Sergeant HARTMAN walks down the line to another

    recruit, a tall,

    overtweight boy.



    HARTMAN

    Did your parents have any

    children that lived?





    PYLE

    Sir, yes, sir!





    HARTMAN

    I'll bet they regret that! You're so ugly you

    could be

    a modern art masterpiece! What's

    your name, fatbody?





    PYLE

    Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Lawrence?

    Lawrence, what, of Arabia?



    PYLE

    Sir, no, sir!





    HARTMAN

    That name sounds like royalty! Are you

    royalty?





    PYLE

    Sir, no, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Do you suck dicks?







    PYLE

    Sir, no, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Bullshit! I'll bet you

    could suck a golf ball

    through a garden hose!



    PYLE



    Sir, no, sir!



    HARTMAN

    I don't like the name Lawrence!

    Only ******s

    and sailors are called Lawrence! From now on



    you're Gomer Pyle!



    PYLE

    Sir, yes, sir!



    PYLE has the

    trace of a strange smile on his face.



    HARTMAN

    Do you

    think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you

    think I'm funny?





    PYLE

    Sir, no, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Then wipe that

    disgusting grin off your face!



    PYLE

    Sir, yes, sir!





    HARTMAN

    Well, any fucking time, sweetheart!



    PYLE



    Sir, I'm trying, sir.



    HARTMAN

    Private Pyle, I'm gonna

    give you three

    seconds--excactly three fucking seconds--to

    wipe

    that stupid-looking grin off your face, or

    I will gouge out your

    eyeballs and skull-fuck

    you! One! Two! Three!



    PYLE purses his

    lips but continues to smile

    involuntarily.



    PYLE

    Sir,

    I can't help it, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Bullshit! Get on your

    knees, scumbag!



    PYLE gets down on his FEnees.



    HARTMAN



    Now choke yourself!



    PYLE places his hands around his throat as if to



    choke himself.



    HARTMAN

    Goddamn it, with my hand,

    numbnuts!!



    PYLE reaches for HARTMAN's hand. HARTMAN jerks

    it away.





    HARTMAN

    Don't pull my fucking hand over there! I said

    choke

    yourself! Now lean forward and choke

    yourself!



    PYLE leans forward

    so that his neck rests in

    HARTMAN's open hand.



    HARTMAN chokes PYLE.





    PYLE gags and starts to turn red in the face.



    HARTMAN



    Are you through grinning?



    PYLE

    (barely able to

    speak)

    Sir, yes, sir!



    HARTMAN

    Bullshit! I can't

    hear you!



    PYLE

    (gasping)

    Sir, yes, sir!





    HARTMAN

    Bullshit! I still can't hear you! Sound offlike

    you got

    a pair!



    PYLE

    (gagging)

    Sir, yes, sir!





    HARTMAN

    That's enough! Get on your feet!



    HARTMAN releases PYLE's

    throat. PYLE gets to his feet,

    breathing heavily.



    HARTMAN



    Private Pyle, you had best square your ass

    away and start shitting

    me Tiffany cuff links

    ... or I will definitely fuck you up!





    PYLE

    Sir, yes, sir!

  • #2
    And here's the Gunny in his unsyndicated glory. (should keep Coldharvest busy, and not talking to me like I'm some DI & he's a grabastic piece of shit at Paris Island.)

    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jacket1.html

    Comment


    • #3
      LOL! I like that!
      Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

      Abusing Yellow is meant to be a labor of love, not something you sell to the highest bidder.

      Comment


      • #4
        lmao, very funny :D

        Comment


        • #5
          hours of fun

          Bless your heart for that.
          sir.
          Sorry, thought I'd sneak one in.
          Yes sir, very much so sir. Obviously insane.

          Comment

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