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  • Don't mess with old people!

    [Quote]A 96-Year-Old's Letter to the Bank


    Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96-year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times..

    Dear Sir:

    I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire income, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

    You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

    My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

    From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

    Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

    Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

    In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

    As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons as follows:

    1. To make an appointment to see me.
    2. To query a missing payment.
    3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
    4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
    5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
    6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
    7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the
    Authorized Contact.
    8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
    9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

    May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year..

    Your Humble Client [Quote]

    What do you guys think. I wish I could have done this.
    "Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except all those others that have been tried from time to time. "

    "Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed."

    Sir Winston Churchill

  • #2
    As ye' reap, so shall you sow!
    When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow. - Anais Nin

    Comment


    • #3
      Execellent.

      A good rejoinder to the dashed bureaucratic organisations.

      I sure would love to know how the bank handled this!


      "Some have learnt many Tricks of sly Evasion, Instead of Truth they use Equivocation, And eke it out with mental Reservation, Which is to good Men an Abomination."

      I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

      HAKUNA MATATA

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Ray
        I sure would love to know how the bank handled this!
        It's likely they sent her a copy of her loan agreements via certified mail, with the portions highlighted addressing how her loan payments are to be made. Cute letter though. ;)
        No man is free until all men are free - John Hossack
        I agree completely with this Administration’s goal of a regime change in Iraq-John Kerry
        even if that enforcement is mostly at the hands of the United States, a right we retain even if the Security Council fails to act-John Kerry
        He may even miscalculate and slide these weapons off to terrorist groups to invite them to be a surrogate to use them against the United States. It’s the miscalculation that poses the greatest threat-John Kerry

        Comment


        • #5
          Confed,

          I understand the person's frustration.

          It has happened and is happening to me.

          The Bank on the telebanking stuff wants confirmation of my date of birth as some sort of a check that I am the real McCoy.

          That is legtimate.

          When I opened an account with my bank long ago, there was no requirement of giving the Date of Birth (DOB). The bank changed hands. The new bank as per their rules, required a DOB abd heaven knows how they got my DOB which was wrong. In fact, if the DOB they gave me is right, then I would be a little short of being a century old!

          They want me to correct that even though it is their mistake. They want me to produce either my driving licence, voters identity as proof of DOB. They find my Army ID card which I have is not adequate.

          I am adamant. If it is OK for them to have their night peaceful sleep because I stand guard on the border with my ID Card as vaild, then how come a stupiid driving licence or a voter card where one can fudge is more valid than my ID Card?

          I won't budge.

          And the best part is that they are not ready to state so in writing since I have told them I shall have it raised in the Parliament!

          Blasted coots, these over officious punks.


          "Some have learnt many Tricks of sly Evasion, Instead of Truth they use Equivocation, And eke it out with mental Reservation, Which is to good Men an Abomination."

          I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

          HAKUNA MATATA

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Ray
            Confed,

            I understand the person's frustration.

            It has happened and is happening to me.
            Me too, though I am having no problems at the moment. ;)
            No man is free until all men are free - John Hossack
            I agree completely with this Administration’s goal of a regime change in Iraq-John Kerry
            even if that enforcement is mostly at the hands of the United States, a right we retain even if the Security Council fails to act-John Kerry
            He may even miscalculate and slide these weapons off to terrorist groups to invite them to be a surrogate to use them against the United States. It’s the miscalculation that poses the greatest threat-John Kerry

            Comment


            • #7
              welcome back around these parts, Monk. thought maybe you had taken a permanent siesta from the WAB, glad to know it was merely a long vacation.
              "To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are."-Sholem Asch

              "I always turn to the sports page first, which records people's accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man's failures."-Earl Warren

              "I didn't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs."-Nancy Reagan, when asked a political question at a "Just Say No" rally

              "He no play-a da game, he no make-a da rules."-Earl Butz, on the Pope's attitude toward birth control

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by TopHatsLiberal
                welcome back around these parts, Monk. thought maybe you had taken a permanent siesta from the WAB, glad to know it was merely a long vacation.
                Doesn't seem like me and WAB can part easily. Sort of like old flames.
                "Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except all those others that have been tried from time to time. "

                "Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed."

                Sir Winston Churchill

                Comment

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