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  • Marriage & family in Islam

    Marriage & family in Islam


    By Prof Mohammed Rafi

    ISLAM fully recognises the family’s role in the progress and well-being of society. The Quranic term for the community of Muslims is ‘Ummah’ and is derived from the root word ‘Umm’ which means mother, that is why the role of a woman is of extreme importance in the social fabric of a society that claims to be Islamic.

    The concept of marriage, divorce and family life in Islam is different from the one prevalent in other religions. Since the parents’ mutual relationship plays an important part in the development of a child’s personality, the Quran considers a congruent and happy relationship between husband and wife as a pivot of family life. This relationship can be stable only if their attitude and temperament are compatible. Such men and women create a balanced and healthy environment in which their children grow up. In the Quran’s diction this is called ‘Nikah’ which literally means to absorb each other in the same way as raindrops are absorbed by earth. A couple executing this kind of contract is called Zauj’.

    Allah directs that no momin (believer) should marry a mushrik woman and neither should a momin woman marry a mushrik man; because such marriages are bound to be incompatible and would drag you to hell in this world, as well as in the hereafter. In contrast, God invites you to heaven with a harmonious marriage (2:221). A valid question relates to the provision of Hoors for men in heaven but no such provision for women. While describing heaven the Quran says,’ Verily the God-Conscious will find themselves in a state secure amid gardens and springs wearing garments of silk and brocade facing one other (in love). Thus shall it be and We shall pair them with companions pure, most beautiful of eye’ (44:51-54).

    According to Muhammad Asad, Hoor is a plural of both Ahwar (male) and Hawra (Female). Tabari, Razi and Ibn-e-Kaseer have referred to ‘Hoor’ as ‘pure companions’. The term is not gender specific and is used for both the genders. Therefore heavenly couples would be exemplary specimen of the ideal mixture of thought and deed. It must also be remembered that Zauj (Plural Azwaj) does not mean just wife. It means ‘complement’ that is, one has to be there to complete the other one. The husband complements the wife and the wife complements the husband.

    A healthy, peaceful relationship with shared ideas and concepts is possible between two consenting parties only by mutual agreement. That is why the Quran calls Nikah a contract. Your wives have taken a firm covenant from you (4:21). By virtue of this contract a man and a woman pledge to accept the rights and obligations laid down by the Quran. The woman is absolutely free to marry anyone she likes. Man cannot marry a woman against her will (4:19). The Quran discusses this relationship in Surah Nisa 4:24. If the married life does not limit itself to the basic restrictions on which the ‘Nikah’ was established, then it is no longer ‘Nikah’; it degenerates to Safha or a relationship with no result.

    The Quran describes mental and physical maturity as the first pre-requisite for marriage, whether male or female. (4:6). Contrary to the prevailing impression, how can minors enter into a solemn pledge and covenant? It is unIslamic to expect minors to give consent for such an important contract. Since Nikah cannot be solemnized in childhood, the question of appointing a guardian does not arise.

    The Quran has not laid down any specific ceremony for marriage. There is no mention of any special person who should solemnize Nikah. As a contract, Nikah has to be ratified according to existing laws. It is equally important to proclaim the solemnization of Nikah. A marriage kept secret is not tenderized by the Quran (5:5).

    Although there is no greater calumny, prejudice, ignorance and travesty of historical truth than to accuse Islam and its revolutionary Prophet (SAW) of lowering the position of woman. It must be admitted candidly that the present position of Muslim women in Muslim lands, particularly in Pakistan and India, is not her original position under pristine Islam. Her position today in all matters, including marriage, has been largely determined by the feudal heritage of Muslim land-owning upper class, and by the expedient and obscurantist opinions and verdicts of mediaeval Muslim jurisconsults who gave their interpretation of the Quran and the Sunnah under the commands and desires of Muslim despotic kings. It was also the result of the male-dominated milieu, and finally by non-Islamic customs and traditions.

    It is noteworthy that the exalted Messenger (SAW) and some of his companions married more than once in times of social and military turbulence. In addition to slain men, there were examples where a woman would embrace Islam and her husband would not. The Quran does not allow a Muslim woman to marry or remain in marital contract with a non-Muslim. That had resulted in a large number of divorced women. So it was a matter of providing shelter and decent life. We must remember that when millions of men were killed in the second World War in Europe, innumerable European scholars and politicians strongly suggested that men of sound financial and emotional health be allowed to keep more than one wife to save society from chaos. The Quran has prescribed one wife at a time as a matter of rule. In case of constancy becoming extremely difficult, a second wife is allowed in her place. (4:20) It does not mean that a man is free to divorce his wife anytime he likes and bring another in her place. The Islamic government may allow a man to marry more than one woman only in exceptional circumstances. There are two essential conditions under which it can be allowed. Firstly, the man doing so can do justice to his wives; secondly, he is capable of supporting a large family. If any of these two conditions cannot be fulfilled, the second marriage is not allowed.

    ‘If ever such circumstances occur that in society men are lost and widows and orphans increase, especially women without husbands (4:127) and an equitable and just solution cannot be found.; under such circumstances it is allowed for the sake of protection of these widows and orphans, that you can marry out of these women, whom you like (those who are willing to marry you (4:19). For this purpose exception is given in the principle of ‘one wife’ at a time. In such an event, as the circumstances require and society demands, two or three or four wives at a time, can be taken in marriage. But if you feel that in doing so, you shall not be able to keep the scales of justice balanced amongst the different family members, then one man and one wife shall remain the law’ (4:3).

    Trying to justify polygamy under the cover of this verse in ordinary circumstances and without specific conditions is nothing but open defiance of Quranic injunctions. If you ask somebody, he would say that he took a second wife because he was childless, as if God had enjoined upon him to increase the tribe of Adam and then come to Him failing which he would be sent to hell. On the contrary God Himself has said that children are born according to the laws of nature; some get boys and some girls, and some remain childless (42:50). Some give the excuse that because their wives were perpetually ill, they married again. According to their companionship, married life means that as long as your partner is healthy you keep her and the moment she becomes sick throw her out.

    There is another misconception about marriage. The Quran addresses the Islamic society by saying: ‘Make proper arrangements for the marriage of those men and women who have not got adequate facilities for marriage’. To get married is not an injunction. Those who have to lead an unmarried life for whom the means to get married are not available, should control their passions. ‘Those who prefer a celibate life or have not the resources for marriage should exercise self control’ (24:33). The rules, regulations and traditions of marriage and family life, as they are practised today, are definitely not Islamic and it becomes very difficult to explain these practices to non-Muslims especially in the 21st Century when Islam is being targeted as enemy number one by the West.

    http://www.dawn.com/2006/04/07/op.htm
    Though the writer wishes to indicate that the concept of marriage, family and divorce is singularly different in Islam, this is a moot point since all religions believe in marital bliss and its effect on the children. Using words and their meaning like Nikah meaning absorbing like raindrop into the Earth is apparently a platitude aimed at the gullible and uneducated, who may require such examples to grasp the essence. The newspaper being in English surely is not the type that is read by the uneducated or the rustic.

    While the momin and the mushrikmay be valid in Islam since it is very demanding a religion, but apart from that the reasoning does not appear on solid ground since life is but an adjustment and a large majority have adjucted to the demands and requirements of the partner in marriage.

    The allegory to heaven and hoors is not understood. The author would have served the reader better if he confined to the bounties of marraige on Earth than alllude to issues that are debatable about jeanve and being paired off to ideal companions. It is more fruitful for mental peace to have an idela companion on Earth than in the esoteric realm of heaven!

    Although there is no greater calumny, prejudice, ignorance and travesty of historical truth than to accuse Islam and its revolutionary Prophet (SAW) of lowering the position of woman. It must be admitted candidly that the present position of Muslim women in Muslim lands, particularly in Pakistan and India, is not her original position under pristine Islam. Her position today in all matters, including marriage, has been largely determined by the feudal heritage of Muslim land-owning upper class, and by the expedient and obscurantist opinions and verdicts of mediaeval Muslim jurisconsults who gave their interpretation of the Quran and the Sunnah under the commands and desires of Muslim despotic kings. It was also the result of the male-dominated milieu, and finally by non-Islamic customs and traditions.
    The above is interesting. The fault is of the mullah under the orders of the despots! Otherwise, the author insists women are equal! This is pulling wool.

    Ah well remainder is for you to analyse.

    This article is worth reading so that some of the concepts are cleared and one is better versed in understanding Islam.


    "Some have learnt many Tricks of sly Evasion, Instead of Truth they use Equivocation, And eke it out with mental Reservation, Which is to good Men an Abomination."

    I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

    HAKUNA MATATA

  • #2
    The problem with inter-religious marriages would be that if both the husband and the wife are believing individuals in their faiths, then what should the children be?

    Ideally they should be left to choose on their own in such a case. But that seldom happens.

    There's a writer for one of the magazines here. Her mom raised her as a church going kid in America. Regularly and with all the typical Christian norms. She had a Muslim father but most of the religious indoctrination came from the mother. However today she's grown up to become a Muslim and a staunch one at that too.

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    • #3
      It must be admitted candidly that the present position of Muslim women in Muslim lands, particularly in Pakistan and India, is not her original position under pristine Islam.
      WOW!!! From when doesn India became a moslem land? The author is seems to be smoking some srious stuff . Mughal era hasnt ended for moslem pakistan it seems.
      Hala Madrid!!

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