Obama to Nominate Jesus Christ to Supreme Court

**bigross86** · 06 Jun 12,, 09:48

by Author Unkown
Thursday, 22 April 2010 14:39

President Barack Obama is expected to nominate Jesus Christ, an immigrant originally born to a virgin mother in Bethlehem, to fill the new vacancy on the Supreme Court. Although Mr. Christ is over 2,000 years old, He is immortal, so Democrats and Republicans expect that He will serve on the high court forever or until He decides to start the End Times. Republicans are expected to fight the nomination on the grounds that Mr. Christ would radically move the Court to the left. The GOP is also concerned that, despite decades of controversy and speculation, Mr. Christ has never revealed his position on abortion. Mr. Christ, according to many authorities, is expected to oppose the death penalty in all forms. Michael Steele, the head of the GOP national committee, issued a statement: "Christ is a complete mystery to us. He won't reveal His physical appearance and many of His positions are unknown or the subject of speculation. He is a stealth candidate. Why won't He reveal himself? Who does He think He is?"

Republicans are reportedly outraged that Mr. Obama even considered Mr. Christ, who has been widely quoted for his sentiments supporting the poor over the wealthy. In a Facebook post, former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin called for an investigation into the Bethlehem chapter of ACORN because of what she termed the "highly suspicious" coincidence that both President Obama and Mr. Christ had each spent three years as community organizers. In her post, Palin also wrote that "More and more of good God-fearing smalltime Americans from hardworking smalltime towns from great parts of this real America, West, South, East, North, are seeing more and more every day that Christ is a community organizer. We don't need another community organizer in the White House!"

Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) asked, "We're not even sure where He was born. Why is He afraid to show us his birth certificate?" Bachmann also announced that she would vote "no" when the Christ nomination came before the House of Representatives. Later, her congressional staff released a statement saying that the Congresswoman had forgotten that the House does not vote on judicial nominations.

According to Rush Limbaugh, "Christ doesn't know anything about free enterprise. This is part of the Obama conspiracy to drag us to socialism. If this guy is approved, I'm moving to Costa Rica." Sobbing, Glenn Beck attacked Christ's support for the separation of church and state, telling his audience "You know who else wanted a separation of church and state? Hitler."

Several Catholic priests were contacted for comment but refused to discuss the issue, and, even though they weren't asked, all empathetically denied that they had personally molested any children.

Democrats are optimistic about their chances of shoving Mr. Christ down the throats of Americans using normal constitutional and parliamentary procedures. Many Democrats are hopeful that Mr. Christ's past associations with prostitutes will earn him at least one Republican vote, that of Sen. David Vitter (R-LA).

If confirmed, Christ will be the first Supreme Court Justice who has at least one American city named after him: Corpus Christi, Texas.

**Bridgeburner_** · 06 Jun 12,, 16:00

Originally Posted by bigross86

Obama to Nominate Jesus Christ to Supreme Court

**omon** · 06 Jun 12,, 17:33

lol, what is next? his dog for senate?

now that i think of it, might not be such a bad idea, dogs do nothing for political reasons.

**bonehead** · 08 Jun 12,, 05:18

I only have room for the "dogs playing poker" picture in my man cave. Although the "dogs pissing on the other side of the isle" in the senate has promise I don't have room for it.

**zraver** · 08 Jun 12,, 05:46

Obama's move has also angered many on the left.

Rev Al Sharpton took umbrage, "He said teach a man to fish, well not everyone can fish since the white man took the blackmans god given right to fish. He needs to retract that statement as racially insensitive". These comments mirrored those by the rev Jesse Jackson who took issue with Christ's assistants telling slaves to obey their masters. Jackson is planning on leading a rainbow Push march against the nomination. A spokesman for Jackson's office released a statement condensing the president's choice of a Jew who supported slavery. Islamic and Jewish groups also came out strongly against the nomination. A CAIR release state simple: The nomination of Christ to the highest court is clearly an attack on Moslem-Americans and reflects Americans bias against Islam. Jewish groups were more subdued but pointed out that as a native of Bethlehem and with his known support of Samaritans, Christ was really a Palestinian and suggest he might be a supporter of terrorism and opposed to the existence of the Jewish state.

The grumbling from religious leaders was hardly the only complaints from the left, Feminist' decried the lack of gender equality among the apostles and way women were stereotyped as the servants of men- force to bow down and wash their feet. Atheists decried the lack of separation of Church and State implicit in the nomination. The banking industry and Wall Steet which have been pouring millions into the Obama re-election effort are also upset given Christ's well known opposition to the for-ex markets. Labor has also come out against the nomination pointing out that while his step fathers carpentry shop used the apprenticeship system it also relied on unpaid child labor and was not a union shop.

Perhaps surprisingly however, PETA has supported the nomination saying, "His crucifixion ended the need for animal sacrifice and come on, the only way he could have turned a couple of fish into so many baskets of left overs was to substitute tofu. We find it likely that Christ will be very receptive to a vegan lifestyle."

**antimony** · 30 Jun 12,, 00:54

Originally Posted by zraver

Jewish groups were more subdued but pointed out that as a native of Bethlehem and with his known support of Samaritans, Christ was really a Palestinian and suggest he might be a supporter of terrorism and opposed to the existence of the Jewish state.

Much has been made of Jesus H. Christs efforts to improve the perceptions of the Samaritans through a sustained PR campaign, but new footage of his working sessions with his team has emerged to show that his personal beliefs may, in fact, have been different

**JAD_333** · 30 Jun 12,, 01:44

Originally Posted by bigross86

Obama to Nominate Jesus Christ to Supreme Court

BR

Do we need a separate thread for this? Are we supposed to discuss this?

Frankly, Solomon would have been a better choice. With him on the court, yesterday's decision would have been 4 1/2 to 4 1/2.

**Albany Rifles** · 30 Jun 12,, 14:02

Folks,

Some may find this numerous but others may find it sacrilegious.

2. Choices.

It gets moved to jokes thread or deleted.

**zraver** · 30 Jun 12,, 20:56

delete please, it was a cheap shot to begin with.

**bigross86** · 30 Jun 12,, 22:51

This was meant to show the sorry state of politics in general and American politics in particular, when even a person revered by over a billion people around the world still would have a hard time winning a political role. Would AR protest so firmly or Zraver continue the joke and then turn on a dime if this thread was about Mohammad in the Supreme Court, or like JAD said, King Solomon? Maybe if it was Buddha the thread could stay, because I don't know how many practicing Buddhists we have on the board.

You wanna delete, that's fine. I didn't mean to insult. If this offended, I'm sorry. However, now that we're on the topic of deleting threads and posts that insult someone's religion, I want the anti-circumcisions threads deleted because they offend my religion as a Jew, and I want every single post mentioning bacon, ham or pork deleted forthwith. You can start here. I think some other practicing Christians, Jews and Muslims here would also like the threads debating science Vs Religion deleted, but I can't speak for them