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George Farthing, an expatriate British man living in America, who was
recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, was dosed up on
anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial electro-shock therapy when doctors realised he wasn't depressed at all--only British.

'Not depressed, just British'

Mr Farthing, a British man whose characteristic pessimism and gloomy
perspective were interpreted as serious clinical depression, was led on a
nightmare journey through the American psychiatric system.

Doctors described Farthing as suffering with Pervasive Negative
Anticipation--a belief that everything will turn out for the worst, whether
it's trains arriving late, England's chances at winning any international
sports event or even his own prospects to get ahead in life and achieve
his dreams.

"The satisfaction Mr Farthing seemed to get from his pessimism seemed
>particularly pathological," reported the doctors.

"They put me on everything-Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort," said Mr.
Farthing. "They even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour a
day or I'd become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all pointless and
they said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that got me here in
the first place."

Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of
"weapons-grade MDMA", the only noticeable effect of which was six hours of
speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and "not too bad, really".

It was then that Mr Farthing was referred to a psychotherapist.

Suicidal?

Dr Isaac Harvey explored Mr Farthing's family history and couldn't believe
his ears."His story of a childhood growing up in a grey little town where
it rained every day, treeless streets of identical houses and passionately
backing a football team who never won, seemed to be typical depressive
ideation or false memory. Mr Farthing had six months of therapy but seemed
to mainly want to talk about the weather--how miserable and cold it was in
winter, and later how difficult and hot it was in summer. I felt he wasn't
responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic action-namely
ECT, or electro-shock therapy".

"I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to put the
rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my accent," said Mr Farthing. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think we're making a terrible mistake'."

Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of British comedy, which gave her an
understanding of the British psyche. "Classic comedy characters like Tony
Hancock, Albert Steptoe and Frank Spencer are all hopeless cases with no
chance of ever doing well or escaping their circumstances," she explained
to the baffled US medics. "That's considered funny in Britain and is not seen
as pathological at all."

Identifying Mr Farthing as British changed his diagnosis from "clinical
depression" to "rather quaint and charming" and he was immediately
discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured leaflets
and an "I love New York" T-shirt.

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Semper in excretum. Solum profunda variat.