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The 40 things that change after your 40th Birthday
1. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
2. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.
5. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
7. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
8. You carry an umbrella.
9. Three-day benders are no longer realistic.
10. The heating works in your house.
11. You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
12. You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.
13. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
14. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
15. You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
16. Washing up is not a monthly ritual.
17. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
18. You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
19. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
20. You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
21. You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
22. You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.
23. You "hate scrounging students".
24. You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
24. Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
25. You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
26. You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
27. You always know where you are when you wake up.
28.. A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
29. You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not Condoms and pregnancy test kits.
30. A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
31. You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
32. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
33. You don't have mice living in your kitchen.
34. Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.
35.. Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
36. 'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'.
37. Over 70% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
39. You don't experiment with banned substances.
40. You don’t find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.
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