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A ventriloquist is on-stage in a Alabama nightclub. He’s going through his usual stupid red-neck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says, “I’ve heard just about enough of your smart-ass hillbilly jokes. We ain’t all stupid down here!”
The ventriloquist began to apologize, when the big guy says, “You stay out of this mister! I am talking to the little smart ass fella on your knee."
An African diplomat was telling the new American ambassador about the Russians teaching them to play Russian roulette.
The African diplomat said we actually play our version. He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "Choose any one of these women to give you oral sex," he told the American.
The American ambassador said, "That's not Russian roulette."
"Oh, it is." The diplomat said. "One of them is a cannibal."
A guy walks into a bar. "Gimme a double, before the crap hits the fan."
A few minutes later, same thing, "Gimme a beer before the crap hits the fan."
This goes on for an hour awhile and finally the Bartender says, "Maybe you should pay before you get another drink."
And the guy said "Oops, the crap just hit the fan."
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